Christmas Shopping Finished!

Well, I finished my Christmas shopping today! YEAH!

Didn’t intend to and actually, it’s by default so don’t go to thinking that I’m organized or nothing like that.

I had a dermatologist appointment. It was 2 for 1 day! Two vials of Botox for the price of one! This was going to be my birthday treat to myself. I deserved it, dammit! I’ve had a rough year (and it was showing on my face).

I should know by now that I cannot resist something if I want it. Or, the doc presents it as a real bargain.

Doc…”We have another special on a NEW product (I’m a sucker for new products). You get a $75.00 check back in the mail! Plus, it’s priced at a holiday rate.”

She had me at “NEW”, “check back” and “holiday rate”. I didn’t stand a chance. A part of my brain ( a very tiny part) was telling me to stop and think about it. I was not intending to spend more money that I had allotted for “maintenance”. LOL It cracks me up that it’s called a maintenance procedure. Seems that once you’ve attacked and gotten rid of those pesky wrinkles (not all of them, just some), you have to do UPKEEP!

Plus, I had shelled out over hundred bucks for Latisse, the new product being touted to grow long and luscious lashes. Brooke Shields says that it works and that’s good enough for me. Actually, I had bought the Latisse before and it did grow hair (warning…be careful if you buy it to watch where you put it!)  I am eyebrow-challenged….never really had any. Most people think that this is a blessing since I don’t have to pluck but do you have any idea how much like an old ,ancient,recently dead long time in-the-ground Bette Davis you can end up looking like if you don’t draw your eyebrows on just right with an eyebrow pencil. There has been more than one (dozen or more) occasions that I would get ready to go out and happen to catch sight of my eyebrows in my car’s rearview mirror and find myself looking at “What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?”. I’d be  several miles away from home and have nothing to fix them with. And, there has been the embarrassing occasion that I drew on one eyebrow and then would get distracted by the phone ringing or something. I’d realize that I’d had totally forgotten about the other one when while having conversations with people and find them staring at my eyebrows  one eyebrow. Regular readers (yeah, I’m up to *) know that I’ve had eyebrow mishaps in the past. So, I figured…heck, I’m WHITE TRASH WITH MONEY  now so I might as well do something white trashy with it. So, Happy Birthday to me from me. I can fulfill my dream to have an actual set of eyebrows.

So, long story short….I spent much more money than I had planned to de-wrinkle, maintain, and grow hair on my face. In fact, I spent just about all of the money that I had left to finish Christmas shopping. But, I’m not really too worried. I’ve got a plan! Everyone on my Christmas list who hasn’t been bought for yet will receive a Christmas card with one of the following pictures of me getting the needle. Yes, this are indeed actual pictures of me taken today. I asked the nurse to take them with my camera that I had been carrying in my purse. Why do I carry a camera around in my purse? Because I have been trying to get pics to send to the website People Of WalMart. Dang it…everytime I try to sneak up on someone in WalMart and take a pic, I get caught!

So, without any more jabbering, here I am…..(no make-up! Y’all don’t realize how much courage this took to post. NO MAKE-UP!)

Now….the BIGGER needle…

…..and once more, the BIG-ASS needle…..

So, one of these pictures (probably the first one) will be the cover of my Christmas card/letter to my nearest and dearest.

On the inside, I will write….

“I hope this proves how much that I love you all. This hurt like hell but being the wonderful person that I am, I subjected myself to intense pain and had to overcome the fear of big-ass needles so you would be proud of me as your mother/sister/aunt/niece/nana/wife/and, or, friend. I sacrificed because you deserve it!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

PS….just wait until you see what I do for you on your birthday/anniversary/promotion/new birth/Valentine’s Day/Easter/etc. I do it because I care!”

Unfortunately, I don’t have any pictures of me this evening. But, I promise you that I look very similar to this….

Now…gotta run and find some ice packs!

Need A Good Laugh?

Boy, I sure did this morning. My butt is dragging and have so much stuff to do that I’m thinking of hiring a personal assistant!!!! No time to do my favorite thing…..White Trash Shopping for stuff like this>>>>>>

Chicken Poop Lip Balm…(notice that it is free range. Darn it, I might be WT but I’m, also, PC)…

Frog Coin Purse…..(This frog looks mean.Probably not too happy about giving it’s life to hold pennies. I’d be afraid to stick my hand in it to grab a coin)….

Wooden Dolls….(Oh, it’s another Saturday night, and I ain’t got no body…)…..

200 Freeze-Dried Pork Chops…..(“With all the uncertainty of life today, it never hurts to be prepared.”)…

Naked Soldiers…(thank goodness for that “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy)….

Big Hands Baby…. (note to self: check ebay for extra large mittens)…..

…..and so much more. But, as I said…..busy, busy day. So, I’ll leave you with a guaranteed belly laugh.

Misheard Lyrics to Numa Numa….

ENJOY!!!!

FYI….As some of you know, I sucked the letter “d” off of my keyboard with the vacumn cleaner last week. Even though, I handily repaired it, it still does not work most of the time. If you see a wor that is suppose to have a d in it and oesn’t, you will know why.

Making A Buck….

I’m a lucky woman. Really, I am. God has blessed me with two daughter who are smart, ambitious go-getters…….. entrepreneurs that would make Donald Trump hang his head in shame. If there’s a buck to be made, they’ll make two. Aww, yes….I taught them well. And, now, they are thankful for their lessons from a po’ white-trash mama.

#1–Dumpster Diving

One Christmas, I worked in a jewelry store in a mall for the fun of it. At this point in my life, I had already become WTWM (White Trash With Money) and did not really need to work. It was a hoot, especially when my daughter’s best friend from high school got hired. We were located right across the hall from the Hallmark store. I began to notice the Hallmark employees taking big loads of boxes on a dolly to the dumpster out back. Curiosity got the best of me and T (my daughter’s friend) and during one break, we decided to check out the dumpster. Well, butter my biscuit….there was all sorts of good crap being thrown away by Hallmark. So, during our next break, me and T decided to dumpster dive. There was only one catch…..the dumpster was too deep and being that we had on nice shirts and slacks, we didn’t want to take a chance of staining them (or having to explain stains when we went back in to work). So, we devised a plan. We would act as if we had thrown something away by accident and persuade a tall guy to reach in the dumpster for us!!! Aha….brilliant (or so we thought). The first guy that we asked to reach into the dumpster was very willing to help us out. But, we had neglected a small detail….like, what could we convince him that we had thrown away. It wasn’t as if we could tell him that we had mistakenly thrown away those Tom Turkey paper centerpieces (which I had dibs on) or those, “Happy Thanksgiving, Grandmother” cards. Quickly, I came up with…”My wedding band came off in that big box while I was dumping that stuff. Could you just reach in and get the whole box so I can look through it for my ring?”. This was said with a dripping-honey voice. So, he did. PAYDIRT BABY!!!! We had cards, pins, napkins, plates, centerpieces….just everything a person might need for a festive TG dinner. So, it was the first part of Dec and we couldn’t use it for almost a year. Big deal. It was ours! And, this was fun.

Everyday, my cohort in DD (dumpster diving) and I watched and waited for the Hallmark girls to haul their load of goodies to the dumpster. Patiently, we watched day after day until finally “dumping day” came along.

This time, we had figured out another way to retrieve our precious treasures. We went to the clothing store next door and told them that we had renegade helium balloons clogging up our security system and asked to borrow one of their long poles with the hook on the ends…..the ones used to get items down from high places.

Like ninjas, we wove our way out of the mall, being sooooo careful not to be spotted with the now hijacked pole.

The pole proved to me a mediocre tool for salvaging junk. We could only hook light weight items with it. We took the pole back and went back to Plan A…..recruiting unsuspecting tall guys.

Our DD ventures were going pretty darn good until my daughter caught us at it during a trip to the mall to bring us some home baked goodies.

We got a major sermon/dressing down on the shame of DD. Truthfully, the sermon went in one ear and out the other for me. But, T was so embarrassed that she refused to participate anymore. What fun was DD without a partner? So, that was the end of that.

Lesson #2….Making A Buck on Dad’s Office Supplies coming in the next post.

Since writing this post, I found a new lifestyle:

Freegan

Now, I can dumpster dive and feel good about it!

The Ultimate In White Trash Shopping….

I’M IN WHITE TRASH HEAVEN…….GOT THIS IN MY EMAIL TODAY

SPOTLIGHT: Gifts for Someone Special

Looking for a special gift for a special someone and flowers and candy just won’t do? Well, look no further. Goodwill is the place to find that special item you’ve been looking for. shopgoodwill.com offers a wide array of antiques and collectibles as well as new and nearly new items pulled from participating Goodwills’ vast inventory of donated goods. From unique one-of-a-kind items to estate pieces, the depth of resources is enormous.

The truth is that I like to go to my local Goodwill store every now and then. I look at the jewelry because lots of people donate old vintage pieces that are really cool.

I use to go and buy really, really large men’s pants and sell them on eBay. I made really good money with those pants.

But, NOW, I can do all my Goodwill shopping online. How handy!!!!!! I can order smelly used shoes, underwear, cast-off broken toys, and all kinds of stuff. Just think of the moola that I’ll save.

Yep, Goodwill has gone hi-tech!!!!!!

Hmmmm…….wonder how they got my email address? I didn’t give it to them.