Contrary to Cable News Reports….

I am not dead.

OK….I’m exaggerating. Not about not being dead but about the cable news reporting on it. This is in despite of desperately trying to get Bill O’Reilly, Anderson Cooper, and Nancy Grace to do a BIG story on my demise. Apparently, I’m not newsworthy since I haven’t had a 13 year affair with that White woman, done under the table deals with Obama that would make me mega $$$$$$, or waged a war on Christmas.

So, I’m left to wonder what I could do that would be newsworthy. Prehaps a flash mob at a local senior citizen center? Wear a coat made of meat to a Muslim holiday party? Ride up and down the local WalMart aisles dressed in nothing but by glorious nakedness on a Rascal? Would this make me an attention whore? Yes, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do to get your name and face out there. Then, of course, it would be out there on a Wanted poster at the local post office but you know what they say……bad publicity is better than no publicity. And, like many of you, I’m still wondering who in the hell is “they” that say it.

Actually, I’ve been quite busy. And, totally immersed in my new hobby…photography! Check out my Flickr photos or go have a look at my FB picture page….https://www.facebook.com/?ref=tn_tnmn#!/pages/Pictures-That-Tell-Stories-by-PLP-Family/126031340811922.

I promise you, my dear followers (up to FIVE now), I will be back and posting about my crazy redneck life soon.

In the meantime, hope you all have a very Merry CHRISTMAS with a beautiful CHRISTMAS tree, a yummy CHRISTMAS dinner, and lots of CHRISTMAS joy! Enough of that crap, “holiday tree” and stuff.

From all of us at the trailerpark….Willie, Sock Monkey, Mammy, Michael, Olyve, Creepy Man, Mr. Ducky T, and the rest….Merry Christmas!!!!!!

See ya soon!

The Words Spew Forth….

Apparently, my brain is starting to turn its little wheels again.

Still trying to put them together to write a decent post. But, damn brain leakage is still a problem….

What’s going thru my mind?

If Obama wanted to assure everyone that the Gulf coast waters are OK, why did he go all the way to Fla. instead of throwing on his Speedos and jumping in at Louisiana? I think that would say a lot more about how safe the crabs are to eat.

Why does Nancy Grace get so dramatic? Is she trying out for a role on Homicide..Life on the Streets? NANCY GRACE…shut the fuck up!

Why do some people feel that they have to put every single friggin’ thing they do on FaceBook. Honestly, I have a “friend” who posts shit like this everyday….

Just sittin here bored…

Just sittin here wondering about stuff…

Just sittin here thinking….

No..I’m not kidding. And she just had a baby! So, now, it’s….

Just sittin here wondering and holding the baby…

Just sittin here…..blah blah blah

I am soooo tempted to comment this…”Apparently, at one time, you were just sittin’ there. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have a baby”.

While on the subject of FB….how do you deal with a friend of a friend (I guess that would be friend twice removed?) who request that you friend them and when you do, they begin commenting on everything you post? Are FB stalkers dangerous? And what’s the protocol when you find out that this friend-twice-removed has become friends with everyone else who comments on your updates? I’m thinking that there are some scary-ass people out there with no lives of their own.

Another rant about FB….people who collect friends just to say that they have insertnumberhere of friends annoy the hell out of me. Personally, I think those people are insecure in their real lives. I don’t need a bunch of strangers showing up in my friends’ list to validate myself. I, also, refuse to accept friends requests for anyone under 18 years old. Not that I post dirty stuff (well, occasionally, I do) but  I have to ask WTH would some kid that I don’t even know want to be my friend? Where are their parents? I can just see the baby of “just sittin’ here” in 15 yrs or so requesting strangers to friend them. I even had a request from a 12 year old. The weird thing is that I have no idea who that kid was and could not find any connection between her and me. What’s up with that? How did she even get my profile? CRAZY!

and that brings me to something else that really bothers me. Don’t put your little kids pics on internet sites that can be viewed by just anyone. Some of you may remember that I came across a pedophile forum while looking for something totally different. I was sickened by the perverts on that forum. I joined under an assumed identity just to see what those crazies were up to and believe me, it was some disgusting shit. I sent the link to several news programs, Oprah, Perverted Justice,  and local law enforcement agencies. NOT A SINGLE ONE answered me. I checked it recently and sure enough, that pedo forum was still operating. And, two days ago, I googled “nerd forum” to find some funny comments (to post on a FB friend’s wall) and got, instead, another disgusting pedo forum! And, here’s what I really did learn….those scum of the earth search the internet for pictures of kids. Innocent photos that Mom, Dad, Granny, etc. have posted, never dreaming that some asshole is uploading it and jacking off to their little precious babies. DISGUSTING! They need to have their nuts sawed off with a blunt edged knife.

How can people hoard animals? A lady on television right at this minute has over 250 cats! Wouldn’t the hairballs become a huge problem after..oh, I dunno, maybe….10 cats?  I just didn’t realize that there were really so many Crazy Cat Ladies….

Actually, I have a crazy cat lady in my family. Some of y’all might remember Lacie….of Redneck Wedding fame. Lacie had more cats than I could count. I refrained from visiting Lacie very often due to the large population of roaches and cats. Animal control was called by neighbors to investigate the enormous cat population at Lacie’s house. You could go in to her house and the meowing was almost deafening. Cat and kitty heads and paws and tails were popping out of everywhere…under the sofa, on the table, in the closets, behind the commode….danged everywhere! Lacie is not quite right in the head and here is proof. Lacie use to call me up and put her newest cat on the phone. Jeez…on the friggin’ phone as if it wanted to have a conversation about Friskees or flea treatments or something. And, I swear, this is how it went EVERYTIME…

Lacie…”Here Cuddles (or Moby or Johnnycakes or Samson or Shithead, etc), say hi to your Aunt Barbie.”

Me…”Lacie…do NOT put that damn cat on the phone. It CANNOT talk and I will hang up if you do!”

Lacie…”Awww….Bowser (or Mohammed or Pinky or Fatso or…..) just wants to say hi to you.”

Me….”I swear, Lacie….I will hang up if you put that cat on the phone. Don’t do it.”

From the phone….”Meow, meow.”

From the phone on my end….”Clink”…I hung up. And, this didn’t happen just once or twice. Nooooo…..it happened often. I don’t call Lacie anymore unless it’s a family emergency. But, that hasn’t stopped our Lacie. Now, she sends me pictures with her cellphone. Pictures of her and Mr Drake. Her kids. And, her damn cats. Which brings me to another annoyance….

PEOPLE WHO FEEL THE NEED TO FORWARD EVERY DAMN CHAIN EMAIL THAT GET VIA CELLPHONE! STOP IT! I MEAN IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! GOD DOES NOT NEED ME TO FORWARD THAT TACKY ANGEL WATCHING OVER A KID PICTURE TO 20 PEOPLE TO PROVE THAT I AM NOT ASHAMED OF HIM!!!!!  I FIND IT VERY HARD TO BELIEVE THAT GOD WANTS ME TO ANNOY THE HELL OUT OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU DO ME BY FORWARDING ALL THOSE STUPID EMAILS!!!!!!

There is one major culprit of the email-forwarding in my life. And, it’s my sister. She not only forwards all of those emails accusing me of being ashamed of God if I don’t forward that crap, she forwards every Winnie the Pooh, Friendship/Sister/Laughing bears, monkeys, babies, and anything else that can make a sound. I’ve texted her back on several occasions and told her that I don’t read that crap and I just delete it so stop wasting my time but she stills does it. Once, I took a picture of my ass and wrote a “you must forward this to 12 people and something good will happen at 7:08 tonight!” text message. The next day I asked her if she got my message and she said that she did and she forwarded it to everyone in her address book. I asked her if she looked at the picture and she admitted that she had not. So, who knows how many people have a picture of my ass on their cellphone now?

Speaking of texting, I was sending one to my friend on Tuesday. Ya see…Tuesday was my anniversary and TPKen aka Big Shithead didn’t buy me anything.  And, made no plans for dinner. So, I decided to spend the afternoon with my good friend, Gin, and got somewhat tipsy. I was emailing my buddy who is on a different time zone. She asked me what time it was here and I texted back, “Dunno…can’t see my clock”. Only, I accidentally left the “l” out of clock. I couldn’t figure out why she texted me back, “That’s the best text message EVER.” Until I looked at my outbox messages. hahahah….seriously, folks, I couldn’t find that either! Before that Hall of Fame For Txt Fuckery, my message to TPSkipper saying, “Send pic of WalMart poop.” was #1.

Ow! My brain is in pain from all these thoughts. So, just one more….

I’m afraid to eat peas now due to the story about that man who had a pea sprout in his lungs.

So, that’s all for now. Gotta run and check on imjustsittinhere and she if she’s moved yet.

And as always….

Justin Bites Again…..

One of the most popular videos on youtube last year was “Charlie Bit My Finger“. It’s one of my all time favorites. For those of you who haven’t seen it, it’s two little brothers and the smallest one bites the biggest brother’s finger. Here is a parody of that video…..very funny and I got a really good giggle from it. Hope you do, too.

PS…Here’s another cute take-off on Charlie bit my finger. They guy is singing to the tune of “Hey There Deliah” by the Dirty White T’s (I think that is how they spell it).

Packing to go to Vegas, baby!!!! Only a 4-day trip but I’m just happy to be going somewhere. I need to get away and forgot about all the crap that needs done here. And, the best part is that I’ll be in Vegas for New Year’s Eve!!!!!

In the “What is Really Pissing Me Off” department today….some of you may remember that I developed a case of diverticulitis in November. I did not know that is what is was. I just knew that I had a case of  the all-of-a-sudden-with-no-warning  emergency runs. And, it was making life (especially getting ready for Christmas) very difficult.

I went to the Raleigh General Hospital  in Beckley WV. I signed in and waited. After a while, a nurse called me into a small room, took my temp and blood pressure, and stuck a cheap little plastic bracelet on my arm. Then, I was sent back into the waiting room where I waited…and waited…and waited for almost 2 1/2 hours. Running to the bathroom every few minutes was wearing me out. Finally, I asked a nurse how much longer it would be. She said that she didn’t know. I asked if she could check for me and she said, “Look around you! When we are done with the emergencies, then you’ll get called!”.

I’m not an unkind or unsympathetic person. If people are coming in with heart attacks, injuries from accidents, etc., I am prepared to wait. BUT, looking around me…here is what I saw:

One lady who was really sick…so sick that she had to keep her head laid down on a small table the whole time she was there. I don’t know how long that lady had been there but she was there before I got there. Finally, she left. Bless her heart. She was really sick.

One whole family who apparently were having a reunion in the waiting room. The whole clan seemed to be there….mama, daddy, paw-paw, mamaw,uncle, aunts, cousins, and maybe, even the family dog. I watched them for a long time and never could figure out which one was suppose to be “sick”. One name was called and I’ll be darn if the whole passel of them didn’t go thru the door. HUH?

Now…this was interesting to me…..several women and a couple of men (who I don’t think were together) kept coming out of the treatment room/rooms in their hospital gowns. Most of them did not have their gowns even tied in the back. They were just holding them together. They would go outside and then come back in. This happened every few minutes. Not always the same group together but mostly the same people making up different groups. What was going on?  I stood up and looked out to see where they were going. Have you guessed where yet? TO SMOKE! I’m not going to get on a soapbox about smoking. I’m pissed off that these people who were so damn sick that they were seen before me and the head-down lady were well enough to go outside and enjoy their ciggies. Now, guess who was paying for these SICK people to use the ER and take their cig breaks….YOU and ME!

So, after over 2 hours, I could not take it anymore and left. I went to an urgent care facility and was seen right away.

Now..here’s what has my panties in a bunch…

I got a bill yesterday for NINETY DOLLARS! I called the Raleigh General Hospital accounts department and told them that I thought that they had made a mistake since I didn’t even see a doctor. They informed me that ninety dollars was the charge for taking my temp, blood pressure, and giving me that cheap little plastic bracelet. I told them that I thought this was an exorbitant amount for what I received. They told me  (not in these words)….”tough luck, sister. It’s what you owe.” I asked for the supervisory body that regulates this stuff and the guy said that they regulate themselves. I told him that, no, health care corporations have to answer to somebody. He put me on hold and came back. He said that he had talked do this supervisor and I could lodge a complaint. BUT…he said the sup said that it wouldn’t do anything to change my bill.

So, now I’m on a quest to find out who regulates these charges from health care corporations. I want to talk to them.

Plus, as soon as I get back from my trip, I am going to write a letter to the editor to all the major newspapers in my states, plus one to the Cincinnati OH newspaper since that is where they are located.

BTW…all of you who have  into for criticizing  health care reform….screw you. Obama, Pelosi, and Reid are not helping me one bit. I fell thru the cracks when it came to insurance before the reform and it seems the crack just got larger.

:

 

Health Bill Vote….Bah Humbug!

The latest Rasmussen Reports weekly tracking update shows that 41% of voters nationwide favor the bill and 55% are opposed. Those figures are essentially unchanged from a week ago. This the fifth straight week with support for the legislation between 38% and 41%…..read more at Rasmussen Reports. 

I don’t often write posts about politics but this one has really gotten my panties into a big wad. 

In grade school when we first start studying government, we learned that people are elected by the citizens to represent the people…not their political party or their own self-interest groups. 

. So….WTF happened? 

I have on theory. Our Congress is paying no mind to the majority who are against the health care reform because they know that most voters will not take any action. They will not speak out. They will not contact their representatives. They will not attend meetings or tea parties. Why? Because, we have become an apathetic nation of whiners. We hear about things going on in Washington (or our state’s capitol ) and we grumble a bit to each other. But, then we do NOTHING because we have more important things to do, right? 

WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I’ve heard many people saying, “Well, there is nothing that I can do about it!” 

THERE IS! One person can do something. I don’t know about y’all but I intend to put my money where my mouth is on this subject. If you choose not to financially support this, then will you at least, please, pass the word on about Harry Reid’s dirty tricks? We can no longer sit back and expect Sen. Rockefeller or Sen. Byrd to represent us. They are both hardline Democrats who would rather vote the way Reid, Pelosi, and other Democratic leaders tell them to vote than truthfully represent the beliefs of the people of West Virginia.
It’s time to speak up, stand up, and make these two representatives listen to us.
I know that it’s a pain in the butt to get a bazillion emails everyday that people want you to forward. And, I, admittedly, delete many of them. But, I am pleading with all of you to take a stand on this issue. We cannot sit back and let innocent babies be killed. We cannot afford to not stand up and take a stand on Cap and Trade issues. We can no longer expect our government to automatically do the right thing…because it will not. We have to come together and make our voices heard!
Please don’t just delete this. If you are tempted, just leave it in your email without forwarding it. Then, think about it. I’ll bet you will end up passing it on. I know each and every person that I sent this to is a good person…..one who cares about their families, their country, and their values.
  
STAND UP WITH ME AND MAKE YOUR VOICES HEARD!
  
This is what I personally wrote to our senators, Rockefeller and Byrd. You don’t have to use Liberty Action to send emails. You can find your representatives addresses on the internet.
  
“West Virginia is a state with Christian morals. We do not support abortion . And now it has come to light that there will be provision for abortion in this health care bill. I cannot tell someone what to do with their body or the body of an innocent child. But, I DO NOT want my taxes paying for it. I’ve had enough and am ready to put my money where my mouth is. I planned to fight you all the way on this vote. And, I will rally friends, neighbors, and loved ones to do the same.
SHAME ON YOU,Senator. Rockefeller!  When is the last time that you even stepped a foot into our state and asked the people of West Virginia what we thought about health reform…or anything, for that matter. No…you are too busy making sure that you are a straight tow-the -Democratic party-line kinda guy. One good challenger will knock you right out of your overstuffed Senate chair. And, with the grass-roots movements and Tea Party candidates, you might want to rethink who your loyalty should be with….the WV people or your cronies in the Senate (like Pelosi and Reid). 

And,especially, SHAME ON YOU, Senator Byrd! You have always loved West Virginia. I have no doubt about that. You have done many wonderful things for the people of our state. I am appealing to you as a fellow West Virginian (who lives very near your small hometown) to please, reconsider this vote. Vote the way the people of West Virginia want you to vote. Not the way the Democratic party wants. Please don’t let us down. Listen to your conscience not the shoutings of Pelosi or Reid.”……TPB (only I used my real name, of course).

  

The bill passed the Senate and that’s sad. But, what is sadder is that NOBODY that I emailed sent one damn letter to either senator. Oh they had plenty of time to read and send funny emails. But, no time to take a couple of minutes to write their representatives. 

Maybe, I should have sent the following pictures…… 

 

Credit for that picture goes to FreakingNews, (I give credit when I know who to give credit to,) 

 

 

Thanks to Darleen Click for this photo. Saved me a lot of time not having to look up pics of the rest of the gang! 

How very sad. How disappointed I felt. I emailed people who are intelligent, outspoken, and talk about their political beliefs with much passion. Maybe  that’s what it is….just TALK! 

I’m really sad….and extremely pissed off.  

If you don’t like what your government is doing, STAND UP! Remember…it is (suppose to be ) WE THE PEOPLE! 

Bah humbug….I hope they all get a lump of coal in their stockings.   

For those of you who feel it necessary to leave comments that are opposed to my point of you….do so at your own risk. I’m in no mood to argue with people who support this bullshit.  

The Government Can….

Nothing need be said…..just watch the video…..

Patriots…Show Yourselves!!!!

 

 

WALK NAKED IN AMERICA DAY

              Don’t forget to mark your calendars.  As you
may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any
woman other than his wife naked.  He must commit suicide if
he does.  So next Saturday at 4 PM Eastern Time, all
American women are asked to walk out of their house
completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood
terrorists.  Circling your block for one hour is
recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.   All patriotic
men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front  of
their house to prove they are not Muslims and to demonstrate
they think its okay to see nude women other than their wife
and to show support for all A merican women.  Since Islam
also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side
is further proof of your anti-Muslim sentiment..  The
American government appreciates your efforts to root out
terrorists and applauds your participation in this
anti-terrorist activity.

               God bless America !

Bring In The Clowns…Don’t Bother, They’re Here

First, thank you to Stan for the last post. I enjoyed it very, very much. And, thanks for setting up our Q&A page.

I’ve got stuff to post about such as:

The latest news on “Lacy” of  Real Redneck Wedding post.

Plus, I, uh, well, it’s like this…no beating around the bush, I succumbed to the pressure from all the mags, television, movies, and social networking sites that tout products to make me look so young that I’d  need to be diapered.

I got BOTOX!!! Well, hell, y’all know that I can’t resist talking about this kind of stuff instead of being a classy woman and keeping my trap plum shut.

 So, two hopefully good reality post coming soon.

In the meantime, I want to share something that I got in my email. I don’t know who wrote it. If any of you do, let me know and I’ll give them the full credit that they so richly deserve.

 

How soon until reality sinks in? 

ass on ass

And it came to pass in the Age of Insanity that the people of the land

called America , having lost their morals, their initiative, and their

will to defend their liberties, chose as their Supreme Leader that

person known as “The One.”

He emerged from the vapors with a message that had no meaning; but He hypnotized the people telling them, “I am sent to save you.” My lack of experience, my questionable ethics, my monstrous ego, and my association with evil doers are of no consequence. I shall save you with hope and Change. Go, therefore, and proclaim throughout the land that he who proceeded me is evil, that he has defiled the nation, and that all he has built must be destroyed. And the people rejoiced, for even though they knew not what “The One” would do, he had promised that it was good; and they believed. And “The One” said ” We live in the greatest country in the world. Help me change everything about it!”

And the people said, “Hallelujah! Change is good!”

Then He said, “We are going to tax the rich fat-cats.” And the people said “Sock it to them!” “And redistribute their wealth.” And the people said, “Show us the money!” And then he said, “redistribution of wealth is good for everybody.”

And Joe the plumber asked, “Are you kidding me? You’re going to steal my money and give it to the deadbeats??” And “The One” ridiculed and taunted him, and Joe’s personal records were hacked and publicized.

One lone reporter asked, “Isn’t that Marxist policy?” And she was banished from the kingdom!

Then a citizen asked, “With no foreign relations experience and having zero military experience or knowledge, how will deal with radical terrorists?” And “The One” said, “Simple. I shall sit with them and talk with them and show them how nice we really are; and they will forget that they ever wanted to kill us all!” And the people said, “Hallelujah!! We are safe at last, and we can beat our weapons into free cars for the people!”

 

Then “The One” said “I shall give 95% of you lower taxes.” And one, lone voice said, “But 40% of us don’t pay ANY taxes.” So “The One” said, “Then I shall give you some of the taxes the fat-cats pay!” And the people said, “Hallelujah! Show us the money!”

Then “The One” said, “I shall tax your Capital Gains when you sell your homes!” And the people yawned and the slumping housing market collapsed. And He said, “I shall mandate employer-funded health care for every worker and raise the minimum wage. And I shall give every person unlimited health care and medicine and transportation to the clinics.” And the people said, “Give me some of that!” Then he said, “I shall penalize employers who ship jobs overseas.” And the people said, “Where’s my rebate check?”

Then “The One” said, “I shall bankrupt the coal industry and electricity rates will skyrocket!” And the people said, “Coal is dirty, coal is evil, no more coal! But we don’t care for that part about higher electric rates.” So “The One” said, Not to worry.. If your rebate isn’t enough to cover your expenses, we shall bail you out. Just sign up with the ACORN and you troubles are over!”

Then He said, “Illegal immigrants feel scorned and slighted. Let’s grant them amnesty, Social Security, free education, free lunches, free medical care, bi-lingual signs and guaranteed housing…” And the people said, “Hallelujah!” and they made him King!

And so it came to pass that employers, facing spiraling costs and ever-higher taxes, raised their prices and laid off workers. Others simply gave up and went out of business and the economy sank like unto a rock dropped from a cliff.

The banking industry was destroyed. Manufacturing slowed to a crawl. And more of the people were without a means of support..

Then “The One” said, “I am the “the One”- The Messiah – and I’m here to save you! We shall just print more money so everyone will have enough!” But our foreign trading partners said unto Him. “Wait a minute. Your dollar is not worth a pile of camel dung! You will have to pay more…” And the world said, “Wait a minute. That is unfair!!” And the world said, “Neither are these other idiotic programs you have embraced. Lo, you have become a Socialist state and a second-rate power. Now you shall play by our rules!”

And the people cried out, “Alas, alas!! What have we done?” But yea verily, it was too late. The people set upon The One and spat upon him and stoned him, and his name was dung. And the once mighty nation was no more; and the once proud people were without sustenance or shelter or hope. And the Change “The One” had given them was as like unto a poison that had destroyed them, and like a whirlwind that consumed all that they had built.

And the people beat their chests in despair and cried out in anguish, “give us back our nation and our pride and our hope!!” But it was too late, and their homeland was no more.

You may think this a fairy tale, but it’s not.

It’s happening RIGHT NOW

BRING ON THE CLOWNS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don’t bother, they’re here……. 

 

 

  

What Would Capt. America Do?

(Nobody Knows The Troubles I’ve Seen) 

Lately, life is…

depressing

dark

disturbing

scary

unpredictable

and, downright not enjoyable.

I read something a while back that said that you should do at least one thing everyday that brings you some joy. Lately, it’s been really hard to follow that advise. Unless, you can count giving the finger to somebody who cut you off while you were in a funeral procession. And, that was not really joy….more like stress relief.

I went off all antidepressants and the like in early spring. It was against doctor’s orders. What do they know about my emotions? Nada…that’s what.  My thought was that the summer sun would do the trick and perk me up. But, we haven’t had much sun around here for at least a month. It has rained almost every day with a few very short breaks of sunshine. Just enough sunshine to tease ya into thinking that everything will be just hunky-monkey-dorey with life.

Yes, DR (dear readersreader), I know that I am suppose to be humorous. But, dammit, it’s getting harder and harder to be funny. There is nothing to laugh about lately. O-He-Can-Walk-On-Water-Then-Turn-It-Into-Wine-bama is scaring the bejeesus out of me with all of his gov. take-overs and mandates. He wants to tell us what cars to drive, what we can eat, drink, smoke, etc. Next week will probably bring new rules and regulations about what we can wear. That might not be so bad. He could tell all of the people who insist on showing us their buttcracks to pull their pants up.

I see a “bad moon arisin’. I’m just full of dark lyrics lately.

CCR…Bad Moon Arising

I see the bad moon arising.
I see trouble on the way.
I see earthquakes and lightnin.
I see bad times today.

Dont go around tonight,
Well, its bound to take your life,
Theres a bad moon on the rise. 

I hear hurricanes ablowing.
I know the end is coming soon.
I fear rivers over flowing.
I hear the voice of rage and ruin.

Hope you got your things together.
Hope you are quite prepared to die.
Looks like were in for nasty weather.
One eye is taken for an eye.

I’m just a regular ton-o-fun today!

WWCA do? Capt. America…..flag-painted Harley. Cool dude. Peter Fonda in Easy Rider. 

I was pretty young when this film came out. But, being privileged to hang around with the first real “hippie” crowd in my small town, I was  ahead of other kids my age when it came to counter-culture stuff. (My best friend’s sister was the first person to be busted for pot possession in our town. LOL)

I remember watching this movie with my friend, Kay. When the redneck shot Billy and CA at the end, we were so pissed off that we started planning to run away from home. Why run away from home? That really didn’t make much sense but in our young minds, it was what we thought we needed to do. We never got beyond the planning, though. Couldn’t go far with $9.35 and no car. But then, what good would a car have been anyway? Neither of us were old enough to have a driver’s license. “sigh” I miss those good old days.

It’s been raining for the better part of a month. I need some SERIOUS SUN! Looking out my kitchen window this morning at all the mini-swamps all over my yard was just downright sad. I’m sure that it didn’t help anything that Fox news was playing in the background. Reporting the election in Iran, the craziness of Elvis-wannabe in North Korea, etc.

For some reason, the following song from Easy Rider started playing in my head……

 

Roger McGuinn – It’s Alright Ma / I’m Only Bleeding Lyrics (click on title for entire lyrics. They were just too long to post the entire song here. Besides, most of my peeps would get depressed about one third way thru them and quit reading. So, I took the liberty of deleting some of the verses).

Darkness at the break of noon
Shadows even the silver spoon
The handmade blade, the child’s balloon
Eclipses both the sun and moon
To understand you know too soon
There is no sense in trying.

Pointed threats, they bluff with scorn
Suicide remarks are torn
From the fool’s gold mouthpiece
The hollow horn plays wasted words
Proves to warn
That he not busy being born
Is busy dying.

Temptation’s page flies out the door
You follow, find yourself at war
Watch waterfalls of pity roar
You feel to moan but unlike before
You discover
That you’d just be
One more person crying.

While preachers preach of evil fates
Teachers teach that knowledge waits
Can lead to hundred-dollar plates
Goodness hides behind its gates
But even the president of the United States
Sometimes must have
To stand naked.

Advertising signs that con you
Into thinking you’re the one
That can do what’s never been done
That can win what’s never been won
Meantime life outside goes on
All around you.

You lose yourself, you reappear
You suddenly find you got nothing to fear
Alone you stand with nobody near
When a trembling distant voice, unclear
Startles your sleeping ears to hear
That somebody thinks
They really found you.

Although the masters make the rules
For the wise men and the fools
I got nothing, Ma, to live up to.

While some on principles baptized
To strict party platform ties
Social clubs in drag disguise
Outsiders they can freely criticize
Tell nothing except who to idolize
And then say God bless him.

While one who sings with his tongue on fire
Gargles in the rat race choir
Bent out of shape from society’s pliers
Cares not to come up any higher
But rather get you down in the hole
That he’s in.

Old lady judges watch people in pairs
Limited in sex, they dare
To push fake morals, insult and stare
While money doesn’t talk, it swears
Obscenity, who really cares
Propaganda, all is phony.

My eyes collide head-on with stuffed graveyards
False gods, I scuff
At pettiness which plays so rough
Walk upside-down inside handcuffs
Kick my legs to crash it off
Say okay, I have had enough
What else can you show me?

And if my thought-dreams could be seen
They’d probably put my head in a guillotine
But it’s alright, Ma, it’s life, and life only.

If the Capt. would in my shoes today, I think Capt America would do the following…..

1.Light up a big fattie

2.Tie his American flag bandana around his neck

3.Start up his Harley and listen to the music of the engine

4.Head on down the highway cause he was “born to be wild”.

(here ya go, Noe Noe Girl.  This is what we’d look like “being wild”)

I’m gonna follow his example with a few minute(LOL) adjustments.

I’m going to go take a shower. Find my umbrella. Start up my small Acura SUV. Rev up the engine…hey, at least it has TUBRO! Turn the XM radio to a 70′s station and crank up the volume.  Head on down the highway (must remember to avoid hitting deer, squirrels/wild turkey/people with dementia that wander around the trailerpark, etc)…to WalMart to get a birthday gift. Then, I’ll go “looking for adventure and whatever comes my way”…….which translates into going to a rainy cookout with Ball Park Franks and  watery potato salad. But, dammit, I’ll be wearing an American flag bandanna (under my disposable plastic rain hat)!!!!!! And, I’ll be on the look-out for the “pusher man” aka Humor ice cream truck. Those orange push-ups can be quite addictive.

Who knows? With a little luck, I’m might spot a hitch-hiker that looks like Jack Nicholson. Think I’ll throw an extra helmet in the back seat just in case!!! And, just maybe, he and I will take a short road trip detour. It would be fan-tassss-tic if we’d end up in a cemetery, hugging the 6 ft tall tombstones, talking gibberish, and crying. For those of you who don’t have a clue what I’m talking about, rent the movie, Easy Rider.

Billy….”I’m not a freak but I like to freak!”

Dunlap Explains Swine Flu…..

 

Having trouble keeping up with the facts about Swine Flu? No problem…..Dunlap and Jackie will help you understand.

“Dunlap’s not feeling too well after his trip to Talladega, but still manages to give Jackie some helpful tips on avoiding swine flu.”

WOW…how can Jackie talk with that ciggie in his mask?

new vocabulary word…REDONKULUS

“We shouldn’t eat tacos or carnitas

unless we’re in a hurry for Jesus to meet us”. 

“edited to add”……Relieve tension and worry over Swine Flu by plaing the Swine Flu Fighter Game.

Barry and The Pirates……

I got this in my email today and found it to be extremely interesting. BHO has certainly gotten one thing right…..hiring the best spin doctors around. I’m sad to say that this does not surprise me one tiny bit.

 

“Herewith lies the difference between friendly media spin and reality! Semper Fi Having spoken to some SEAL pals here in Virginia Beach yesterday and asking why this thing dragged out for 4 days, I got the following:

1. BHO wouldn’t authorize the DEVGRU/NSWC SEAL teams to the scene for 36 hours going against OSC (on scene commander) recommendation.

2. Once they arrived, BHO imposed restrictions on their ROE that they couldn’t do anything unless the hostage’s life was in “imminent” danger

3. The first time the hostage jumped, the SEALS had the raggies all sighted in, but could not fire due to ROE restriction.

4. When the navy RIB came under fire as it approached with supplies, no fire was returned due to ROE restrictions. As the raggies were shooting at the RIB, they were exposed and the SEALS had them all dialed in.

5. BHO specifically denied two rescue plans developed by the Bainbridge CPN and SEAL teams

 6. Bainbridge CPN and SEAL team CDR finally decide they have the OpArea and OSC authority to solely determine risk to hostage. 4 hours later, 3 dead raggies

7. BHO immediately claims credit for his “daring and decisive” behaviour.

As usual with him, it’s BS. So per our last email thread, I’m downgrading Oohbaby’s performace to D-. Only reason it’s not an F is that the hostage survived. Read the following accurate account.

 Philips’ first leap into the warm, dark water of the Indian Ocean hadn’t worked out as well. With the Bainbridge in range and a rescue by his country’s Navy possible, Philips threw himself off of his lifeboat prison, enabling Navy shooters onboard the destroyer a clear shot at his captors — and none was taken.

 The guidance from National Command Authority — the president of the United States, Barack Obama — had been clear: a peaceful solution was the only acceptable outcome to this standoff unless the hostage’s life was in clear, extreme danger. The next day, a small Navy boat approaching the floating raft was fired on by the Somali pirates — and again no fire was returned and no pirates killed. This was again due to the cautious stance assumed by Navy personnel thanks to the combination of a lack of clear guidance from Washington and a mandate from the commander in chief’s staff not to act until Obama, a man with no background of dealing with such issues and no track record of decisiveness, decided that any outcome other than a “peaceful solution” would be acceptable.

 After taking fire from the Somali kidnappers again Saturday night, the onscenecommander decided he’d had enough. Keeping his authority to act in the case of a clear and present danger to the hostage’s life and having heard nothing from Washington since yet another request to mount a rescue operation had been denied the day before, the Navy officer — unnamed in all media reports to date — decided the AK47 one captor had leveled at Philips’ back was a threat to the hostage’s life and ordered the NSWC team to take their shots. Three rounds downrange later, all three brigands became enemy KIA and Philips was safe

. There is upside, downside, and spinside to the series of events over the last week that culminated in yesterday’s dramatic rescue of an American hostage. Almost immediately following word of the rescue, the Obama administration and its supporters claimed victory against pirates in the Indian Ocean and [1] declared that the dramatic end to the standoff put paid to questions of the inexperienced president’s toughness and decisiveness

. Despite the Obama administration’s (and its sycophants’) attempt to spin yesterday’s success as a result of bold, decisive leadership by the inexperienced president, the reality is nothing of the sort. What should have been a standoff lasting only hours — as long as it took the USS Bainbridge and its team of NSWC operators to steam to the location — became an embarrassing four day and counting standoff between a ragtag handful of criminals with rifles and a U.S. Navy warship.”

Stay tuned for more Bedtime With Barry Stories….Tales for the Whole Family

Such as…..

Barry and Hugo Go To The Library

Barry Learns to Bow for The Prince

Barry Apologizes For His Country’s Greatness

and 47 other wonderful stories with morals for the whole family! Get your limited edition today. Send 5 billion dollars to Czar of Publications, 600 Pennsylvinia Ave. Washington D.C.

Have a piece of delicious warm and gooey shitcake, Barry…….

 

Well, dear readers, once again, there is more than meets the eye here. Barry and The Pirates has become the lesser of two stories. The real story is the smackdown brawl in the comments. Here’s your opportunity to be the judge. Who’s winning the war of comment words? Vote now and I will send you a  nice American made pair of No Spin Zone undies.

DISCLAIMER……I really am not going to give you anything much less NSZ bloomers. I don’t actually have any and if I did I’d sell them on eBay.