It all started so innocently. Friends and family pressuring me to join the wonderful world of Facebook.
“It’s a great way to catch up with old friends and keep in contact with family!” they said. And, being the ever wanting-to-be-with-it person that I am, I fell for their bullshit. Just like you. And, don’t even pretend that you are not ONE OF US…robotic Facebook Zombies. The difference is that instead of eating brains we feed on the constant flow of updates from friends…some of who we barely even know (if at all) in our real lives. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve got some online friends that I feel that I actually do know better than some of my family and I think they actually “get me” more than some friends that I’ve had all of my life. The majority of these friendships started right here at the good ol’ Trailerpark blog (and y’all know who ya are!)
But, lately, I have found myself spending far too much time trying to run interference between mutual friends. And, I QUIT! I’m not a Life Coach or Dr. Drew. Nor, am I a Kardashian or Perez Hilton. I have no qualifications or degrees in Soothing Hurt Feelings or Positive Life Lessons or any other crap that requires advice or running damage control. Figure your own shit out. And, if you find that this is not something that you are capable of doing…than get your ass off of Facebook, MySpace, FriendFinder, Yahoo Yellouts, Ho’Down Hookups, The Google, or any other social/hookup network.
The final straw came about a week ago. And due to the fact that I did something somewhat unsavory (for which I lay total blame at the feet of the Facebook god), I cannot divulge some information. That alone is killing me because y’all know that keeping a secret is as hard for me as it is for Tiger Wood’s to keep is weenie in his britches. Harder than it is for Mel Gibson to not pick up a telephone while drunk. So, this is one of those cases where ya know something but ya just can’t say how ya know it.
My brother is recently widowed and being the good sister that I am, I urged him to join Facebook. Make friends! Don’t sit around lonely. Catch up with people! What an innocent fool that I turned out to be. He joined Facebook and got right into the swing of things. I suggested some friends for him and being the social fellow that he is, he sent a request to all of them. And, being the nice people that they are, they accepted. And then….
That conversation is one that I found on the internet. However, it is similar to what I am about to tell you. Ya see…it turns out that big brother had an alter ego that I did not know about….Rico Sauve’. No, he didn’t use that name…it’s just what we (me and a few family members) had taken to calling him due to his FB antics. Yep, he had become The Ladies Man. His hit-on-the-ladies techniques had apparently not been updated since the early 70′s or there about. Every time that I would log onto FB, I would see one of his comments on one/or many of my friends’ posts to me saying crap like, “Heaven must be missing an angel. How do you sit in a chair with those wings?” OMG!!!! I had unleashed a beast. Oh, but it got worse…much worse. Although, I had explained (several times) the commenting and posting procedures on FB, he couldn’t seem to get it right. Instead of adding a comment, he would go to my friends’ walls and post his comment there. And/or his comments would have absolutely nothing to do with the original post. The post might have been about cooking chicken a new way and would have 10 or 12 comments from friends. But, it would end abruptly when he would chime in (right after a female, of course), “You so beeutiful.” I guess he forgot how to spell, too, because it looked like a 6 yr old boy was doing the typing. I told him over and over that EVERYBODY can SEE what you are posting. OK…that was kinda funny and everybody cut him some slack. Afterall, he was lonely and…blah blah blah. BUT THEN…
the really really really embarrassing shit started! Checking my daily updates, I would see stuff like…(FYI..names have been changed to protect the innocent)…
Sally…I think your Dads acct has been hacked. Got mssg from him saying “U R beeutiful. How old r u?”
This was posted on my niece’s wall. Yes, his daughter’s wall. “Beeutiful” was a dead giveaway on this.
Then….”how do u expct a guy to flirt wit u if u dont put more info?”
OK…check this out, y’all. This was posted to MY PASTOR’S WIFE. Then, the messages started coming from some family members. “WTF? Rico just sent my friend a message asking her how old she is and telling her that she is sexy/pretty/beautiful/etc.” I was spending hours trying to do damage control. Finally, I realized that I cannot control what people do/say on FB. I have lost a couple of friends due to this mess. The funny thing…I unfriended them. They were eating it up and encouraging his shenanigans. It showed them in their true light…unstable bitches with no self-confidence. Hope they will all be happy forever and ever in Facebook heaven…or Farmville.