I apparently have one of those faces….one that people trust and feel comfortable in confiding everything . I could write a very thick book on the personal secrets that people have told me over the last several years. I suppose I, also, look like somebody who is trustworthy and a good keeper of secrets. I do keep safe the secrets that are told to me by family and friends. But, strangers…well…I never promised them or took a Secret Oath not to tell/make fun of/write about anything that they tell me.
Last week, I had a doctor’s appointment. From past experiences, I’ve learned to take a book or magazine to read since the waiting to see the doctor is usually a long one. This time, I took “Let Her In”, a book about a vampire child. The book was a page-turner and I was looking forward to reading it. But, just as I opened the book to where I had left off, a voice across the aisle said, “I hate doctors. Ya wanna know why?” Well, no, I didn’t really wanna know why but I was about to hear the reason anyway. Even though I had kept my eyes on the page of the book, the guy continued with, “I asked my family doctor to up my pain meds and he told me to find a new doctor.” I looked up. A buy in an azure blue, shiny jacket with matching sunglasses perched on the top of his long and thinning blonde hair was speaking. He was skinny and what my Mom would describe as “shifty looking”. He saw that he had gotten my attention and continued to speak.
“Hell! Can you believe that? I mean, I’ve been going to the same family doctor for 20 years and the minute I ask for more pain meds, he tells me to go find another doctor”, he said.
“Why are you taking pain meds and why do you need more?”, I asked.
He replied…..”I hurt my head when I fell on a railroad track a few years ago. The doctor put me on Loratabs and when they quit working, he has to up the dosagee. Those sumabitches are addicting. Ya gotta take more and more for them to work. What I’m takin’ now is not enough and I need a bigger dose.”
So, I said….”How did you fall on a railroad track? And, why don’t you try to wean off of the Loratabs instead of increasing the amount?”
Turns out that he fell on the railroad track while walking it stoned out of his head. And, he wants to wean off the Loratabs…Yeah, right.
Then he asks me what time it is and when I tell him, he states that he has a lawyer’s appt. at 3 oclock and doesn’t want to be late. Of course, I bite and ask him what the lawyers appt is for. He began to tell me that somebody planted 4 weed plants in flower pots outside of his house. The cops came along, saw them, and he was charged. He says that he has already spent six thousand dollars in lawyer’s fees trying to beat the rap.
This was becoming quite an interesting conversation. He starts in on a new tale of how he had filed for disability social security for another injury. As I was asking him what the injury was, I was interrupted by an elderly lady saying, “Hey…ya got any candy in your purse?” No, I didn’t have any. Then, “Hey, where should I go buy some new outfits? I need some new clothes!” I suggested Kohl’s, Penney’s….any of the stores in the 3 malls and various shopping centers in the area.
Sheesh….who am I? Dr. Friggin’ Phil with a touch of Oprah/Martha Stewart thrown in?
She was about to ask me something else but her name was called! Hall-a-loo-ya! One down and one to go.
Azure Blue Guy is starting to pace because he’s going to miss his lawyer’s appointment. I suggest that he call his lawyer and explain that he won’t be there. So, he goes up to the receptionist and ask to use the phone. The lawyer’s answering machine apparently picked up and he said, “Hey, I’m not gonna make my appt. with you today. I had to bring my cousin to the doctor and we’re still here.”
When he sat back down, I said, “So, you are not here to see a doctor?”
And he said, “No. I brought my cousin because he has”……he put his hand up to his mouth as if to hide what he was going to tell me from everyone else…except there was nobody else waiting now except him and me…..”genital warts!” I suppose that I should have been a tad bit shocked but I’ve heard so many stories from people in doctor’s offices, I didn’t even blink. However, I’m pretty sure that I blinked a time or two when he started describing his cousin’s problem.
“Them things is naaasty!, he said, “He’s got ‘em all over his”…and with that he pointed to his own groin area. “And they’re spreading, too! Startin’ to ooze stuff!”
I was beginning to pray that he would just shut up now. He didn’t but at least he stopped the description of his cousin’s genital area problem. He declared how happy he was that he didn’t have genital warts because he had never cheated on his wife. But….he was going to because he had gotten a large settlement from SSI and she and her Mama had somehow managed to take it out of their joint bank account and put it into an account with only the wife’s name. “And, that’s why I’m living in my car! That bitch is gonna be sorry. And her bitch Mama, too”, he finished. After that angry rant, he needed to go outside and smoke. While he was out there, his cousin came out of the office and went to the window to pay. I couldn’t help but stare at him and imagine how painful warts on the weenie could be. He stood at the payment window for about 45 seconds. When he saw that no one was around, he just left…leaving his bill laying on the counter. Yep, they were a couple of real losers…but rather interesting, I must say.
I’ve been trying my hand at some weird artsy-fartsy photography lately. I have an idea using fairies. I’ve been shopping around for wings and stuff but have had no luck in any of the stores even with the Halloween stuff. As I was coming home from a lunch with my friend yesterday, I was passing my the Salvation Army. I thought that maybe I could find some stuff in there priced pretty cheap that I could use to make stuff. As I was checking out a display of scarves, I scruffy looking woman came up beside me. She said (out of the clear blue), “I broke my finger last week so I could get some Oxycontin.” Then she walked away.
Huuhhhhhh? I’m beginning to wonder if I have one of those faces….that belong to a drug dealer.