I swear that everyone and everything written about/mentioned in the following FaceBook post is an acutal person/event. No joke. TPSkipper, my nephew, and I were on FB late last night commenting on people in our lifes. Yes, I am either directly kin or “in-law kin” to every single person written about. This all started with TPSkipper posting about my brother being hit with a LIVE chicken by my Dad when he was a boy. My Dad had a bad temper and when pissed off, he had the terrible habit of picking up whatever happened to be around and hitting my brothers with it. I don’t remember him doing this to my or my sisters but do remember the times my brothers got blindsided with whatever was handy. On this occasion, my oldest brother was helping my Dad do something in our hen house. My brother did something that pissed my Dad off and Dad picked up one of the chickens and began flogging him on the head, shoulders, and back. My brother was not physically hurt but still carries the memory of the feathers whipping across his face and the poor chicken squaaking like crazy. Amazing enough, neither the chicken nor my brother were physically hurt from the incident. I suppose that is why he can laugh about it when he tells the story to this day.
That’s what started the following FB post and many, many comments. I have not changed anything. I copied and pasted some from FB. However, there were so many comments, that for some reason, I could not retrieve them all from FB. So, instead, I went to my email notifications and copied and pasted from there. That is why the format looks different from time to time.
Andrea Plumley Sullivan Recently heard at one of our Family get togethers: “Do you remember the time he beat me with a live chicken?” which made me wonder if I should feel sorry for the Victim, the chicken or the Assailant for being that crazy. We definatly do not live boring lives.
Andrea wrote:
“I personally would like to hear the story the chicken told after it happened, that is assuming the chicken lived.”
Mark wrote:
“He was what they had for dinner 
“
Mark wrote:
“But they learned…and ate good 
“
Andrea wrote:
“Oh my. Well that was one way to multi-task I suppose, discipline the children while preparing dinner.”
Tina M wrote:”My Dad must be there”.
Mr. X wrote:”I’d like to see that video.”
Mark wrote:
“Whats the video called? “When Grandpas Go Wild”?”
Andrea wrote:
“You all enjoyed this story so much we should have him post on my wall the story of my Great Aunt Maud the Hill Witch who found a human leg in her yard but was so crazy that she couldn’t be a witness for the murder trial that the leg was soon connected to. She thought she was married to Jack Van Impe and upon the witness stand they asked her to state her name and she kept saying “Maud Van Impe”.”
Peggy Foose Plumley wrote:I swear both of the above stories are true. God bless their hearts. Poor Hill Witch Maude…she totally lost her marbles in her last years. She lived up a hollow in the mountains with elevnity dogs and no electricity. Now, let’s talk about the our “werewolf” relative.
Andrea wrote:
“Ok in all fairness though he wasn’t blood kin, he was an In Law.”
Mark wrote:
“Elbert??”
Andrea wrote:
“I was about to say that mom! Elbert was the one who hatched his blue egged chickens in KFC Buckets and couldn’t figure out why we thought it was so funny he kept them in there.”
Peggy wrote…”It’s true. He did beat up a horse once.”
Mark wrote:
“KFP!!!!”
Peggy wrote: “Don’t get your panties in a bunch, animal lovers. He had a love/hate relationship with the horse. They kissed and made up later”.
Peggy said…”Elbert was like The Redneck Circle of Life”.
*****note: at this point, youtube videos of The Cirlce of Life and Dueling Banjos were inserted but I’m not going to take up the space to post those.
Peggy wrote..”I was half-expecting a video of a man rasslin’ a horse”.
Mark wrote:
“Sorry, no Mr Ed videos”
Andrea wrote:
“You guys have to stop. I’m laughing so hard I’m going to pee my pants. The best part is it’s all true rofl”
Mark wrote:
“Where di Andrea go? To pee or to change?”
Peggy wrote:..”probably both……:)”
Mark wrote:
“Wear Depends then she wouldn’t have to worry”
Peggy said: “Annie, we need to write a redneck, white trash song about our family so you and your group can sing it. We need to include the tatooed Bear Dancer that we met at McDonald’s this evening.
Andrea wrote:
“Oh dear Lord don’t get going on the Bear Dance from McDonalds. I got to hear it all the way home that I shouldn’t be giving my cell phone number out to every friendless Bear Dancer I meet blah blah blah”
Andrea wrote:
“Oh yes indeed we can figure out 3 part harmony to it and I’ll write a part for her instrument of choice (my guess would be washboard or jug, possibly the juice harp, but it’s completely up to her)”
Andrea wrote:
“You write the song and I’ll annotate it.”
Andrea wrote:
“Somebody grab a scrap of paper! Let the Vomit Composing BEGIN!”
Mark wrote:
“YEEE HAWWWWW”
Mark wrote:
“Well…can you sing it too.”
Mark wrote:
“But wear your boots to sing it!!!! And remove a few teeth…give us that family feel to it”
Mark wrote:
“The Elbert went down to the chicken coope
He was looking to make into a meal”
Peggy wrote: ‘OMG, Mark…that’s funny and I don’t care who ya are”.
Andrea wrote: “I feel sorry for all the people who “liked” this and are going to get over a 100 notifications in the morning.”
Andrea wrote:
“Once again FB friends who casually commented and “liked” this post I am sorry for all of the notifications you will be getting. You must admit though they are interesting if nothing else I also swear that they are all true!”
I also swear that they are all true!
@Annie…no, GIn, stayed in tonight. My hand and fingers are tired from doing sign language all day. Remember, I’ve had two old deaf guys to deal with for the last two days!”
So, there ya go, readers. This is what my family is really like and ya know what….I LOVE THEM!!!!!!!
LAWD, have mercy! I’m SO sorry I missed this exchange last night… Although, I’m NOT sorry that I slept well, and did NOT dream of Circus Jesus. There’s always tonight;)
yes indeedy…there is always tonight!
Oh Dear…… hard to not laugh while at work!! I have got to friend you on facebook! I must hear the rest of the stories! I had such a boring childhood!
Yes! Friend me on FB.
Nice Post… Thank you guys….
WOW! Never gotten a comment from a bedbug destroyer before this! I hope that this means we are now BFFs in case the trailerpark becomes infested…..:)
I’m concerned about Andrea. Is she alright? Did she change her pants? How was her vomit composition?
V & GB….I am touched by your concern. Especially, since my “other personality” doesn’t recognize herself as Andrea’s parent. That can get messy at times. She hasn’t taken the leap to Vomit Write just yet. I am in the process of tutoring her on the proper way to puke write…you know…shittheresawoodpeckerfuckyoutodayismondayithinkmotherfuckerassholedavidbeckham…..I’m having a very hard time getting her to put in the words that are not only important but mandatory for a proper Vomit Piece. Words like…yourmamafuckshitheadasswipeshutupbitch…and so forth. It appears that I have raised a PROPER YOUNG LADY. I find this extremely disturbing and may have to go as far as enroll her in a Ghetto-Ebonics-White Trash-Gangsta Words class. Keep your fingers crossed for me that I’ll have her writing muthafuckerdipshitskankassbastardeddickprick before long.
And, I really don’t know if she changed her pants for sure. She was over here yesterday and didn’t smell like piss so I’m assuming that she either changed or washed her private parts.
I do appreciate your concern and will keep you updated.
PS…I got the riot act for using real names. So, I lied and told them all that I edited that post and removed their real names. Please don’t tell them any different.
I dont know whether to be relieved or jealous that Im on a different side of the family…
You know you’re jelll-us! Actually, I’m just glad that they are not all one just one side. Can you imagine YM hooking up with Kentucky Fried Popeye?
Can I post your post to my weblog? I will add a one-way link to your forum. That’s one really sweet post.
It’s not often that people ask permission to link or copy stuff. I appreciate that! Yes, you can post it. And, you can add that this is actually a true story as crazy as it sounds.
Good lordy–you people make me laugh! Sorry I missed this last night.
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