It's My Blogarty and I'll Whine If I Want To....

WARNING: THIS BLOG POST HAS MORE THAN MY NORMAL AMOUNT OF CURSE WORDS/PHRASES. NOW….READ ON…..

Contrary to blogosphere rumors, I am not dead!  I’ve just been a very, very, very busy White Trash woman lately. That and the fact that Facebook is addictive and I find myself  checking updates waaaaay too much. I now know more than I ever did or ever wanted to about family, friends, “faux friends”, casual acquaintances, and people who I don’t even have a clue who they are. 

Check it out…I think I just made up a brand new slang word….blogarty…..a party in a blog!

And since it IS my blog, I can throw any kind of party that I want. The theme of this blogarty is “I hate” and you just discuss things that you hate or piss you off. Feel free to join in……

I hate fucking Viking appliances. They cost 3 times as much as Whirlpool, Kenmore, Frigidaire, GE, etc but only last about 1/3 as long.  They suck ass!

I hate it when people cry discrimination even when they know there is none involved in whatever they are crying around about. SHUT THE HELL UP…..and go read the story of the little boy who cried wolf. After you allege discrimination one too many times, nobody is going to believe you if there is real discrimination.

I hate these damn annoying recorded political campaign calls. STOP IT! You’re wasting your money. With the exception of really lonely or crazy people, everyone HANGS UP THE PHONE as soon as they hear a recorded voice. But, here is what I hate EVEN MORE……the obvious fact that local politicians (who are proclaiming their hard work on saving/creating jobs) are outsourcing live calls to India. Do they think that I don’t know that the caller cannot speak English very well and that I can hear the chatter of the call room in the background? Now, those are some stupid politicians. I have found the best way to stop some of the calls in their tracks is to declare yourself to be from the Militant Amish party. Yeah, we like a peaceful life but we’ll shoot your ass if you mess with us! We are….

(kind of like Girls Gone Wild except we will show you are Smith and Wessons instead of our tits)

I hate the Nancy Grace show….she is one of the most annoying biotches EVER! I do not want to hear about her twins first….1.word 2.potty time 3.steps.4. time at the ocean or any thing else that they do! And, what’s up with that screaming woman that comes on her show. I did an internet search and could not find her picture and I cannot remember her name. She’s the only one who screams louder than Grace does.

I hate days when I can’t get my racing thoughts organized enough to write them down. Like today. And last week. Last week, thoughts about my life in general kept running through my head. Fantastic material for a poem (I do write the occasional poem). The phrase “looking over her shoulder” kept popping up in my head. But, my thoughts were so rapid and disorganized, the poem on paper resembled a project from a special-ed class.  It was terrible! Cheezits….it read like it was written by a one-armed, homeless, drunk schizophrenic . No rhyme or reason. So, I thought I could make it into a haiku. That came out sounding like something Snookie would have written while sleeping off a drunk in a jail cell. Or, Snookie collaborating with Lindsey Lohan on a coke binge after they had both been screwed by Carrot Top. Simply pitiful!

I hate coupons! No, I love coupons. OK…I have a hate/love relationship with coupons. My frugal side (aka stingy, cheap) makes me obsessive about clipping coupons. My go-with-the-flow (aka Eatshit) side finds me secretly hoping that they are expired when it’s time to go grocery shopping. I try to (unconsciously…haha) sneak away from the house and leave the damn coupons on the counter. But, my cheap-ass side badgers me until I reluctantly go back and fetch them. DAMN COUPONS!

And, I hate Victoria Beckham. Stupid cow (technically, she’s not a cow since cows would tip over if they were that damn skinny). Why? Because she was on The View (don’t get me started on Bawbawa and Joy-oy!) hawking her clothing line which she claims is for real women. Real women of where? Ethiopia?  For crikeys sake, Vic, you wear a friggin’ size ZERO! I’ve never worn a ZERO…not even at birth! So, kiss my fat ass, VB!

I hate doing something original and having somebody copy me without giving me credit. I Vomit Blog! TPSkipper informed me that it is actually….

‎”Stream of consciousness writing aims to provide a textual equivalent to the stream of a fictional character’s consciousness. It creates the impression that the reader is eavesdropping on the flow of conscious experience in the character’s… mind, gaining intimate access to their private “thoughts”. It involves presenting in the form of written text something that is neither entirely verbal nor textual.” She said that she found that on the internet. Well, I wanna know what asshat stole my “vomit writing” idea? I’ll bet it was that asshole, Jack  Kerouac. What a dick!

Glad I got those things off my chest. I have soooo many more things but time on this day is running out and I’ve got zilch, nada, nothing accomplished (except to pay the Viking repairman $150.00 bucks to fix my frig and oven. The damn oven is still not working).

Gotta run…..

Have a nice day!

PS…I DO LIKE Cruzan Pineapple Rum. Not only is it delicious, it gets me through really crappy days.

 

 

 

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