Einstein aka Trailerpark Ken is at it again. I swear I can’t decide if he is super-smart or super-stupid Most likely, he’s an idiot savant…but not a harmless one like Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man. Life would be easier if TPKen would just mentally count the toothpicks that fell on the floor or worried about getting to K-Mart to buy his tidy-whites. He is an engineer. He designs machine. He does blueprints for houses and stuff, too. He is great at that kind of stuff. But, ever once in a while, I have to question his sanity. Now, he’s gonna make……drumroll please…..OMG!……
MICROWAVE GUNS FOR HOME PROTECTION!!!!
Now, these are not just guns that you would have available to cook/broil/roast/bake/saute people/critters/vampires/zombies, etc. on demand. These guns would be mounted to the SIDES OF MY HOUSE! They would work in sequence with the motion detector lights. If something or someone set off the motion detector lights, they would get microwaved!!!
He was so excited when he started telling me about this. He had already done some research on the internet. But, the only thing that I could think about was…
….what if there was an emergency or something and somebody that we know and loved had to come and wake us up in the night…..they would get cooked like a Christmas goose!!!! Or, what if for some reason I had to come home after dark? I don’t think I would enjoy have my liver sautéed or my lungs roasted. And, I wouldn’t dare call 911 or the police in an emergency. I’m pretty sure that I’d be convicted on a murder rap and I’d spend the rest of my life in the big-house trading honey buns for pedicures. (FYI..honey buns are the new prison currency, replacing ciggies. I know this for a fact. Don’t ask me how I know. As I stated in another post, I can’t risk tainting a jury pool). But, if justice was fair, TPKen would be sent to a prison for the criminally insane instead of me being sent to the pokey. But, just ask that Nancy Grace….court systems are screwed up.
On the bright side, though. I’d have plenty of already cooked turkeys and deer. All I’d have to do is go outside, skin ‘em, and put ‘em on a plate.
Oh yeah….he also is wanting to buy an armor-piercing gun that cost SEVEN THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS!!!! I guess it’s in case he goes rhino huntin’ or we should happened to get invaded by a neighboring trailerpark. Heaven’s Haven Trailer Court does have an over-abundance of hooligans.