Bad Crafts,Hair On Fire, Raccoons, and Colonoscopy....

I’ve been so busy lately. Murphy’s Law…what can go wrong will go wrong (or words similar to that).

I had a house full of company for Easter.  Still have not recovered from all those festivities. And, that shit has hit the fan ever since.

For instance, this day has been taken up with washing machine repairs. But, I’m proud to say that I fixed it myself. I figured out what part needed replaced and ordered it from a local repairman. TPSkipper picked it up for me today and I just finished installing it.  Now, before y’all start thinking that I am some kinda of Super White Trash Woman (which I actually am), I have to admit that the broken part was on the door….not in the motor or anything. It broke last week. I knew that if I asked TPKen to do it, it would turn into a MAJOR incident. His fixing it would have required at least 3 trips to Lowes and a couple of weeks time. He tends to make things waaay more complicated than they need be.

Also, I’ve been on the phone again this morning doing price comparisons on a colonoscopy. Who’d have thunk it? I’ll bet’cha that most people don’t even know that you can do comparison shopping on med tests. I don’t have insurance and I am determined to get the rock bottom price. I have found that the costs can vary a lot….as much as $700!!!! The real trick is to ALWAYS ask for a discount. Most places do not offer you one but will give it to you if you ask. One hospital gave me a 50 percent discount when I told them that I had no insurance. I am now waiting for the last place that I called to put in their bid on looking at my poop shoot. Then, it’s time to make an appointment. One thing that I have found out is there is an additional charge for anesthesia. I’m going to ask them if I can do it without the anesthesia. That is going to cost another $800. Listen, people, for 800 bucks,  I’ll stay awake. They can stick their cameras, camcorders, or whatever up there if I can keep my 800 bucks!!! And, if that is not agreeable, then I’d better at the least get a big fat tongue kiss first from the doctor.

And, I have been trying to get my Viking refrigerator and stove fixed. TPKen insisted on buying those appliances when we built this house. And, that’s weird since he NEVER uses them. He’s not one to cook but he is good about picking up take-out. After finding out that the warranty on those appliances had expired, I was fit to be tied. Crapola…Kenmore has a better warranty than these high-priced , fancy-smancy appliances. After hitting a dead-end from the company who sold these pieces of shiny (stainless steel) , expensive crap to me, I remembered what I had done once before when I couldn’t get a company to help me. I TWITTERED!!!!!  Remembering how I had twittered about the bad service from Verizon, I logged on to Twitter and let the anger out. I twittered about Viking appliances for a couple of days. Then, to be honest, I had so much other stuff going on that I forgot to check back for twitter replies for about 6 weeks. Last week, I wanted to go  check out Justin…shitmydadsays, which is hilarious. That guy gives me a good laugh when I need one. Anyway, while on twitter, I noticed that Jonathon from Viking appliances had responded to my tweet about how shitty their appliances are. He was offering to help me out so I sent him my phone number in a message. Sure enough, Jonathon called. So, I’ll give Viking a thumbs-up on that. However, I was not at home when J called but he left a message and a number to get back with him. And, I am going to do just that. He is next on my list….right after 1.fix washer 2. find lowest price on buttoscopy.

As you can see, I’ve had a lot going on. And, I need to get back at it right now. But, I will tell you one slightly funny/sad/scary tale before I sign off. Ok…two tales. I need to tell ya while they are both fresh on my mind.

First one….TPSkipper’s husband is in the sales industry. Not gonna say which one because I am always bashing them in another blog that I do with a friend. Anyway, one day last week, he had just eaten lunch and was going to make a sales call and he noticed a picked place on his tie. At that moment, he was putting Purell on his hands. He put the Purell in the glovebox and got out a lighter. He was trying to burn the picked thread off of his tie when suddenly, the tie caught on FIRE! He had not thought about the Purell having alcohol , which is flammable, in it and that possibility of it igniting. In one motion, he thru open the car door and jerked the tie off of his neck. He had scorched his shirt and singed the hair on the back of his hand. What’s really funny about this is that he already had the nickname of Captain Crackle due to another incident with fire last summer. In that one, he was trying to be all cool while talking to one of the neighbors.  I don’t know what it is about grills and cooking out but a lot of men make asses out of themselves when let loose around grills/fire, etc. He was leaning up against the grill and somehow managed to hit the “on” button to the gas tank. Acting all cocky, he lit a match and put it to the gas….and WHOOSH! I’m still laughing over that! He singed the hell out of his hair which had mega-products in it which contained alcohol. It burnt his hair so badly that when he ran his hand thru it, you could see burnt hair falling out in flakes. hahaha…good times! Good times!

The next tale,, also, involves the same guy. There has been a raccoon loose in their neighborhood. This raccoon had gotten into a neighbor’s house and killed their cat. Now this neighbor does pest control for a living, actually has his own little company. So, the two of them decided that they would trap the raccoon, which they did. With the raccoon in the cage, they had to figure out some way to get rid of it. They were limited as to what to do since they couldn’t let the raccoon out of the cage. (Raccoons are MEAN!). So, they called the DNR and were told to drown the raccoon. They put the raccoon in a trash can with the intentions of drowning it. Unfortunately, neither thought to measure the depth of the can and the raccoon’s head was sticking up out of the water. So, the dummies decided to get out the water hose and drown it by squirting it with a high intensity spray. Of course, that did not work. Now, the raccoon is in a cage in one  of their basements. Stupid men!

I have found a couple of websites which I really enjoy and thought y’all might like too….

Craftastrophe is a site with the motto “Because Handmade Isn’t Always Pretty”. I love the toddlerpede doll (created by John Beinart)  that is at the top of the page. I would like to make one…..

There is another craft site that I’ve been enjoying a lot……MR X STITCH. Check out the funny cross-stitched work there. Like….

The other site is “Justin….Shit My Dad Says’…..which is actually on Twitter. HILARIOUS!!!!

OK and alrighty….gotta run now. Busy, busy, busy……

PS Wish me luck on the “poop shoot” test.

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