It goes without saying that ’round these parts, fireworks (or as we call them, “farworks”), beer, cookouts, and guns rule the day. Rarely does an Independence Day pass in my neck of the woods that somebody doesn’t…

1. Have to go to the ER from a firework mishap.

2. Have to go to the ER after a “Hey y’all, watch this” incident after too much beer.

3. Have to go to the ER after performing a spontaneous pool/river/creek (know as “crik”)  stunt….like belly bustin’ into what they (in a beer haze) perceived to be 6 foot of water but turned out to be 6 inches. Ya ever seen a grown man blubbering while having his big ol’ beer belly being stitched up from naval to booby? Not pretty!!!!

So far, this year has been relatively quite. Of course, the BIGGEST REDNECK HOLIDAY OF THE ENTIRE YEAR is not until tomorrow. Still, there has been an unusual absence of pre-4th”back from the beach” lights in the sky and rapid fire noise. It’s protocol in this area to assert one’s status as uppercrust redneck to buy a whole big-ass bunch of fireworks to inform the entire neighborhood (and beyond) that one has made their yearly pilgrimage to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

 The festivities are surely delayed this year. The  bootleg fireworks light displays, which are illegal in West Virginia, sometimes began as early as the middle of June. The whole sha-bang really hits it’s peak at the end of “miner’s vacation” aka the 2 week period that the majority of the coal mines close down and all the employees get a 2 week break from crawling around and digging in the deep, dirty, cold, and dark black earth.

Let me take a minute to digress and say, YOU’RE WELCOME, AMERICA. WE’LL KEEP THE LIGHTS ON FOR YA! AND, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE LEFT-WING IDIOTS (like Darryl Hannah who needs to go back to something that she might actually know a little about….such as making ONE good movie, Splash, and a bunch of other no-talented forgetableones…and stay the hell away from here. Seriously, you made more sense with the shrieking, screeching mermaid talk/noise in Splash.AND, all the rest of her uber-liberal hypocritical Hollywood friends)….SCREW YOU! And, turn off all those damn lights in your unneccassarily large homes and do your blow/crack/Oxy/whatever in the dark.

Now…back to the festivities ’round here.

A few hours ago, just ’bout getting dark, I was in my kitchen. TPKen and a couple of other guys were target practicing (remember….guns are an important part of our INDEPENDENCE ’round here) and I could hear each gun as it went off followed by, “Good one, buddy!” or “BULLEYES!” and the like.

Then, I heard one of the bigger shotgun’s sound and then, I heard….

“ping, clang, pong, PING” followed by the most used two word redneck proclamation….”OH SHIT!”.

The pings, clangs, etc. were the sounds of a stray bullet hitting various objects in my yard. Unless you live around here, you won’t understand this but I didn’t bat an eye. Unless this commotion is followed by very loud screaming and shouts of  either “That wasn’t my bullet” or “Sorry ’bout that, buddy”, then ya just learn to go about your business. Since there was no commotion that I could see or hear, I figured nobody had lost an eye or finger or other body part.

But in the blink of an eye, something very odd happened. A bird flew straight into my big kitchen window with a horible thwacking thud sound…..the very window that I was presently staring out of to make sure that I didn’t need to call 9-1-1.

Holycrapola, one of those magnificent marksman had hit a damn bird in flight! You might be thinking that’s not so bad. And, it wouldn’t be if they were pheasant hunting or something of the like. But, the damn target was on the ground. Horrified, I watched as the fairly large bird hit the very small patch of grass in the yard (I’m still smuggling grass seed.  It’s just taking a right bit longer than I had planned.) It sat there for a few seconds and then kinda stumbled a few feet and actually managed to fly off. I’m hoping that the  poor bird was just grazed and lived to go squawk and scare all of his birdie friends away.

I guess the festivities have offically begun.

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!!!! LET FREEDOM RING ACROSS OUR GREAT LAND!!!!!!!!

PS….Nothing to do with above post. Just in the very rare chance that Sarah Palin happens upon this blog……

Here’s another “Hell, yes!” for ya, girl. Don’t let the bastard get you down!

“edited 7-4-09 to add”

AN AWARD FOR MOI!

I have been honored by The Vinyl Villager, who is truly one of the best bloggers in Bloggyworld. He is smart, witty, and best of all, sarcastically funny. Oh, and honest. Very honest. I’ve known VV since he was still pooping yellow (which I hope that he is no longer doing). I will take a little credit for talking him into blogging. He has been writing for a long time but it took a bit of nudging to get him to share it with his readers (who keep multiplying due to his great posts. Do yourself a big favor and go check The Vinyl Villager out. You will not be sorry.

MY AWARD….TA DA…

THE CHARMING AWARD………this award is given to the writers of blogs that “are exceedingly charming”. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement  Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.

So, after the festivities (see post above) have died down, I will carefully select my 8 award winners.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH, V V. I APPRECIATE BEING CHOSEN!!!!!

DISCLAIMER….TPB  can be (and usally is) influenced in granting awards by over-the-top flattering/and/or gifts.

 

“edited….7/8/09″……..I love my blog. I love my blogbecause I am blessed by having some of the funniest commentators (pronounced “common tators” around here) on any blog on the whole blogosphere. So, take some time and read the comments and get your chuckle in for the day.