I’ve been working on a post this morning. It is about a Pooter Tooter, super-gluing a banana peel to my thumb, cooking, and big bras. As usual, I became Wordy McWord and have not finished it.

So, I decided to post this hilarious email that I got from my nephew’s wife. She sends me the best stuff! Can anybody say, “PEDI-EGG”?

FYI….no, those are not my feet.

 

The Open Toed Shoe Pledge

 

As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the Rules
when wearing sandals and other open-toe shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over andtouch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides andtops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free.
I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

I won’t wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother,sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck itthere.

If a strap breaks, I won’t duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.

I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl’s if my feet need him.

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids’ sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look good.

I will promise if I wear flip flops that I will ensure that they are actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

I will promise to go to my local nail salon 

at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $35 and worth EVERY penny).I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear… nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.

 

Jelly shoes….I have people in my family who have jelly shoes in every style and color. They wear them with everything, especially Winnie the Pooh and other Disney character t-shirts. “laughing to self”