I wrote this post at another blog. I deleted the blog and have decided to put some of the posts here.

Besides, my creative muse went on vacation. Or, somewhere. Took my damn brain with her, too.

 

Had a bad nite. A REALLY bad nite. I had a hard time going to sleep to begin with. I went to bed, got up, went to bed, got up, etc.

During one of the “got up” times, my armpit was itching. When I scratched it, I found that I had some extremely dry skin. Checked the other armpit and same thing. I figured I’d better do something about it or when spring came, I’d look like the Crypt Keeper….or worse, somebody would find a skeleton on my sofa with nothing left but dry skin flakes dusting the surroundings. So, I went to the bathroom closet and got out my Aquafor. Not the regular lotion stuff……the heavy duty salve-like  stuff. I greased up really good. Man, I coated arms, legs, elbows, hands, etc. with grease. I actually got carried away with the lube job due to the fact that I was watching  Red Eye  on TV . My fav  segment, TODAY IN MCCONAUGHEY  ,was on and that guy really cracks me up. So, I didn’t realize that I had slathered about 1/2 inch of grease coating on me.

I finally felt sleepy enough to go to bed….again. While trying to go to dreamland, I just layed there and tried to make sense of the constant, everchanging stream of thoughts that I’ve grown use to. My thoughts for some odd reason drifted to this female neighbor that we had when I was just a little kid….about 5 or 6. Her name was Nancy and she was a divorcee’ with an amazing will to do anything a man good do. This included chewing Red Man tobacco. I remember that Nancy always had a really tight home perm. Toni brand. I remember it was Toni brand because she began to give my mom and my older sister perms. I can remember seeing the box on the kitchen counter…..Toni home perm. And, I can remember that smell…..the Toni home perm smell! Awful! For anyone who has never smelled that home perm smell, just imagine somebody sticking their head in a bucket of Dupont chemicals. YUCK!!!!

Don’t know why I started thinking about that, but I did. I was thinking about it as I drifted off (finally) to sleep. But then…..

Crap! I had to pee. I finally start to fall asleep and I have to pee!

So, I hauled myself out of bed and went to the bathroom. Since, I was already up, I decided to get a drink of water from the kitchen. I was half-asleep. For the first time since I’ve lived here in this house (11 months), I didn’t turn any lights on. I have a fountain in the living room that has a light in it and it was shining enough for me to make out the sink in the kitchen. I went to the sink, got my drink of water, and started back to the bedroom. I had walked about two feet when…..BAM!!!!!!…..I ran head first into a wood-covered steel beam that is between the kitchen and living room. I must have been walking at a pretty good pace because I hit so hard that I fell to my knees. My knees hit the kitchen tile really hard. And I started to moan. I mean really MOAN. OMG….my head hurt. My knees hurt and the impact of running into the beam stunned me. I just sat there on the floor holding my head for a few minutes. I got up and felt my head. Sure, enough, there was a big goose-egg already forming. My knees were bruised and battered. I limped back to the bed and got in. Then, I started thinking, “Should I go to sleep? What if I don’t wake up?” That was my last thought until I woke up this morning.

At first, I thought that I had had just another weird dream since I tend to have crazy dreams. But, when I tried to move, I knew that it wasn’t a dream. Dear Lord, I hurt all over!

I slowly walked into the kitchen to make coffee. The beam caught my eye. There were greasy handprints from the Aquafor running down the length of it. And a greasy forehead print. I had to laugh, though. It was like something off of the Three Stooges or one of those shows.

Heed my advice…..don’t grease up and get up in the middle of the night.