I’ve been pretty busy lately but darn-it, I can’t let y’all down this year. Last year’s WT gift ideas was pretty popular. This year, with the economy in the toilet, I feel that it is my White Trash duty to help you come up with gifts for each and everyone on your lists!

And speaking of toilet…..This Mammy toilet paper cover will just scream “Ho Ho Ho” all year long. You can find the instructions here. Can’t crochet? Neither can I!!! So, I just buy a bottle of Mrs. Butterworth, smash the head off of it and just use it straight up on the toilet paper. Make sure that all glass shards are off of it, though. Otherwise, you will have to make the gift receiver one of these….To make your own soulful first-aid kit, cut bandage shapes from colored paper, write out motivating quotes (ex. Be careful with glass around your ass!) and well-wishes, and present them in a doctored-up bandage box. What kind of Scrooge would not enjoy reading motivational words what sitting on the john??????

I can hear some of you saying right now, “But, TPB, I can’t afford yarn much less Band Aids or Mrs. Butterworth. Never fear, my friends. This next gift is my personal fav. And, the best thing is…it’s TOTALLY FREE!

Gift certificates and coupons……FREE! FREE! FREE! How? Easy as 1-2-3. Go to your local post office at least once a day. If possible, make several trips. Make sure that you are carrying something that looks like mail that either you have received or are going to stick in the box. Casually, cruise the trash cans. Train your eyes to spot discarded goodies. I, personally, have recovered $10 off $10 for JC Penney’s, Fashion Bug,Kohl’s and Lane Bryant. Keep your eye peeled for discarded magazines. I haven’t paid for a magazine in well on 5 years. For the little ones…..look for envelopes with return addresses such as Society for the Blind, Disabled Veterans and such. These usually contain FREE stuff like bright stickers for that little one on your list. Two years straight, I lucked out and got Christmas cards and calendars…..big buck savers!!!!!!

However, you probably want to wait until the lobby is empty. You don’t want to run the risk of being accused of stealing people’s identities. Some people get down-right nasty if they see an envelope with their name on it in your hands. But, IMO, they shouldn’t throw good stuff away! Nosey boogers!!!!!!

Here’s one that has proven popular year after year……Handmade jewelry. String something on fishing line or thread. Suggestions of things to string…..marcaroni, popcorn, Fruit Loops, Cheerios (any cereral with a hole), penne pasta, marshmallows or anything that you have laying around that will accomodate a needle. Got an extra buck or two? Go to the Dollar Store and buy some spray paint and decorate your jewelry in festive colors.

Now, here’s a thougtful present that’s sure to please the office worker on your list. A paper weight! The second part of paper weight is weight. Just go outside and look around until you fin a big-ass rock. Then use your imagination to decorate it. Glitter it! Write something endearing with a magic marker on it.Tie a big bow around it and there ya go!  That’s not exactly the rock that I had in mind, but, hey…..he’d do just fine!

Ornaments….Take different sizes of paper cups, wrap outside with Dollar Store aluminum foil. Turn upside down and VOILA…a silver bell for your favorite person.

Next time, we’ll learn how to make decorations out of discarded stuff or things that you already have around the house.

Such as….TAMPON LIGHTS…

Who says that you need money to spread the joy of the season????

Things

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