I still have some stories from my recent trips to post. But, they are going to take more time than I have right now.

So, here’s a few short items that you might find funny/interesting.

PETA DARES BEEF QUEEN TO WRESTLE LETTUCE LADY

Grrrr! I Eat Cows and I'll Eat That Skinny Bitch, Too!

VS

I'll Clobber Her WIth My Vegan Tray!!!!!!

“MORGANTOWN, W.Va. — An animal rights group is daring the West Virginia Beef Queen to become a vegetarian — or wrestle one in a tub filled with tofu.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals wants Megan Webb to take on its bikini-clad Lettuce Lady.

The winner would get $5,000 donated to charity. The loser would have to eat a meal and watch a video chosen by the winner.

Webb was crowned in January at the West Virginia Cattleman’s Convention, which says it received the challenge Wednesday. It’s unclear whether Webb has seen PETA’s invitation.

But she’s unlikely to change her ways: Webb is a longtime member of 4-H and the Future Farmers of America who has shown calves for six years.”

My money is on the Cow Queen. If you’ve ever been to a state fair down South, you know that WOTS (women of the South) take their meat very seriously!

One of those “You had to be there” stories. Only, I think y’all have enough rich imagination to see the picture.

My mom was one of 4 sisters. All of the sisters were different in personalities. The youngest sister has always been one of those “Sour Grapes…my shit is better than your shit” people. And, unbelievably NOSEY! She frequently throughout life has used her fine-tuned noseiness to start family squabbles. She moved to North Carolina around 20 years ago and personally, I was glad to see her go.

This woman is obsessed with making sure that nobody has anything better than she does. While she was still living here, I moved into a new house. Since she and I are not exactly bosom buddies, I never invited her over. One day during the summer, I was sitting out on my porch when I saw a small car come driving down my road. There were 5 heads showing (she and her 4 kids) and then almost like magic, 4 heads disappeared. She was doing a “drive-by lookin’”. However, she did not count on 2 things…

1. That I’d be sitting on my porch.

2. That I lived on a dead end street and she was going to have to turn around and drive by my house again.

Now, this woman wants to insult people but her intelligence is limited and sometimes things that she says come out really stupid. On her trip back, she lowered her windown and hollered this at me….”Toothpaste!”

Now, she might have been saying “two-face” . I have not one tiny bit of a clue why she would call me 2-face. I hadn’t been around her for a while. But, what came shouting loudly out of her mouth was…”TOOTHPASTE!”

To this day, when my daughters and I are playing around and insulting each other, we call each other….TOOTHPASTE!

I had not seen this aunt in several years. Not since my sister’s funeral, 3 years ago. So, I was taken by surprise when I saw a strange car driving up my driveway. We moved her (in the boogerwoods) 2 years ago and it’s kinda hard to find our house. Anyway, the car pulls up and stops. Lo and behold, it was Nosey Aunt with her grown-up Nosey Daughter and Nosey Daughter’s kids. They could see me looking at them out of my big kitchen window and knew the gig was up. No way to leave unseen! Bwahahahaha….I know that they didn’t count on (again) the fact that I live on a dead end road and by the time you pull up to my house, the only way to leave is driving around our circular drive-way!!!!! So, they had no choice but to come knocking at the door. I invited them in and they took an in-depth tour of my house. Nosey Cousin was building a house in North Carolina at the same time we were building this one. While they were here during my sister’s hospital stay, I was constantly drilled on the square footage, kind of floors, brand of appliances, acreage, etc. So, it was obvious to me that they had taken a lot of time and energy to find my house to compare it to Nosey Cousin’s! You really might have had to been there to fully appreciate the whole story. As for me, it was the best laugh that I had in a long, long time!