Ya ever had one of those weeks when almost every day is blog worthy?  My week as been overwhacked.

 Since I’m leaving Friday morning for a few days, I should write posts to be published while I’m gone.

. TrailerparkSkipper and TrailerParkMidge have about 95% convinced me to go to Hilton Head Island in South Carolina for a few days . And, I’m a spontanteous and impulsive blogger. If I do several posts and go back and look at them, I’m never satisfied. I’ve gotten write what’s in my head all at once. BTW….I don’t spellcheck, either. “snicker” “snicker” as if I have to tell you that.

  Besides, I’m sure to have some tales to posts when I get back. TPB and TPS are as different as night and day. This leads to arguments, wackiness, and lots of laughter. The last time that we went together, they got in a big fight over a bug. What is it with us and bugs (see following story). TPS’s father-in-law has purchased  her and her hubby a condo in a very nice building. And, she gets all hoity toity about it. She becomes quite cross and offended if any kind of  sarcastic remark about her HT condo. Oh yeah….the bug. If you’ve ever been to even southern states, you’d seen the Palmetto bug (which is just a hoity toity name for big-ass roach) TPS spotted one in the kitchen on the counter. I need to tell you that TPS is greatly terrified of bugs….especially big-ass ones. She started screaming, “Mom, hurry, come quick. There’s a big-ass roach on the counter and I AM NOT GONNA TOUCH IT!” Upon hearing this, TPM became quite pissed off. “Mother”, she said, “She is seeing a palmetto bug!” TPS siad, “I don’t care what you want to call it. It’s a big-ass roach. KILL IT!” So, I did. But,during the rest of the vacation, that big-ass roach/Palmetto bug was argued over more than the Obama/McCain positions on war. That’s why I haven’t committed 100% just yet. (to the beach not to O/Mc). But, there is a good possibility that I will be listening to ocean waves as you are reading this. I’m just prayig there will be no roaches palmetto bugs to cause any fighting.

So, sit back, fasten your LazyBoy belt and let’s get started….

 

I keep dreaming about my exterminator. And, that’s just plain weird. He’s pretty young, about the same age as TrailerparkSkipper. He’s very nice and he’s average looking. When he comes to my house once a month, I usually give him some cake or cookies. I feel rather motherly towards him for some reason. He came yesterday and I forgot to tell him about the big-ass beetles that I keep finding. I’ve found 5 so far……

.....and really ugly!

 

 Late yesterday evening (almost dark), I spotted one doing something weird..It was moving along in the dirt and would stop every little bit. A pointy stinger looking thing would emerge from it’s butt and it’s would do a humping motion. I don’t know how else to describe it. It was humping the ground. I think that it might have been laying eggs. I wanted to squish it but didn’t want to see bug guts fly everywhere. Instead, I watched with fascination as it humped and pumped (eggs…at least I hope that was eggs)and then crawled into a rotted out hole in a tree trunks. I left and walked out into the front field to see if the blackberries that are growing in abundance were getting ripe yet. After chomping down on a few blackberries which were very sour (but at least not loaded with chemcial pesticides) I went back to see what the bug was doing. It was still in the hole. I could spot the yellow and black stripes on it’s belly/underside. I’m not sure if bugs have bellies. Some movement near the tree caught my eye. It was another big-ass beetle. This one was so big that I swear y’all, I could have almost used it’s shell to sit my Diet Coke on. I’ve seen coffe tables smaller than that ugly-ass thing. (OK…that might be a slight exaggeration but not much) I think that, maybe, it was the male. It was different from the other ones that I had seen in that it moved pretty fast. Also, it’s just like a male to jump it, pump it, and dump it!.Of course, I can’t prove that unless I take them to Maury and do a “Who Da Bug Baby Daddy” show.Even though, I felt a fleeting small amount of pity for the preggers big-ass bug, I knew that it had to GO. And, I just couldn’t bring myself at all to smoosh either of them. Well, I couldn’t get to the humping one anyway since it had gone inside the tree hole. And, the other one was so big that I was afraid that it might make a shrieking noise like….EEEEEIIIIIIIIIIEE …like alien bugs in a science fiction movie. I just knew that if it did, I would have a heart attack right on the spot and the big-ass knocked up one would crawl over and lay eggs in my very deep, stinky belly button.So, this morning, I made a call to my Bugman and told him to bring some stuff over here to spray around those trees.Which brings me back to…..I’ve been dreaming about my Bugman. In my dreams, he’s stalking me. So, anybody want to venture a guess as to what these dreams mean…..?????

Today, I made a quick run to Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things. I had on one of my favorites shirts. It is blue and had little flowers all over it. I’ve had it for about 4-5 years..It’s becoming pretty worn which has made it softer over time and that’s what I like about it.Lately, the bottom button keeps coming unbuttoned. I was in the Little Debbie (I sure love those LD’s) and noticed that the bottom button was undone again. I buttoned up and headed over to frozen foods to grab some tator tots. Then I headed to the baby aisle to buy a ninny for a baby doll that I had bought from some people who were selling stuff beisde the road. (This is a story in a story).There were 3 generations selling crap and one of them was a little girl. I felt sorry for her and bought several things. I bought some brass belt buckles with names like Bob, Tony, Bill, etc. on them I’m thinking that I’ll  use them in my big giant weird sculpture of “Life” that I’ve been planning for several years now. I’ve got all kinds of great stuff for that sculpture….false teeth, belt buckles, an Elvis bottle opener that sings “Jail House Rock” and so much more!

Get Thee Behind Me, AADD! Awwww…that’s better. Now back to the story….

 The baby doll was actually a collector’s doll and was signed and number. She was sorta dirty but I knew that I could clean her up. The other problem was that she was suppose to have a pacifier but it had been lost. Without the pacifier, she resembled an inflatable X-rated sex doll with her mouth open in a big O…..

From there, I went over to the pet food aisle and grabbed some dog food for Mutt From Hell. I remember that I wanted to buy some juice and criss-crossed back over to the juice aisle. Then, I headed for the register. I noticed some people looking at me strangely but I didn’t know why. I discovered what the staring was about when I had checked out and was leaving the store. Not only had that one button come undone, 3 others had, also. That left me with only one button (the first one) keeping my shirt from completely flapping over for all of WallyWorld to gaze upon. That one button was not enough to keep my white, flabby belly from being exposed to all.. How long had I been unbuttoned? I have no idea. I guess it’s time to donate that shirt to Goodwill and let somebody else give thrills at Wal-Mart.

 

The next 2 items are funny and weird.First…..Campaigner Tries to Glue Himself to Britian Prime MinisterI’m Stuck On You!

Read the rest of it here…..Glass and the Prime Minister  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

 

Now, this is my personal favorite thing that has happened to me this week. Tooooo much fun! Should be against the law to have this much fun (and very well might be).

My regular readers (bless their hearts, all four of them) know that I am addicted to shopping. I use to do a lot of impulsive buying of things that I liked but really had no use for. I wasted a lot of money like that. For the last couple of years, I’ve been able to feed my OCD buying but now I buy stuff and resell it on eBay. Most of the time I make money.  I’ll write more about that another time.

Also, my 4RR know that I’ve run across some doozies on eBay. Well, I just met one that wins the gold medal.

I buy most of my eBay stuff at a store that is locally owned. They get all kinds of stuff and most of it is name brands. I usually wait until they have a “bag sale”. That is when you can pay a set amount for everything that you can fit in a fairly large bag.Last week, they had a bag sale and I filled up 3 large bags.The last bag I filled with a bunch of pants that I thought looked goth or punk. I figured that I would give selling them on eBay a shot. They are paid and have straps on them. I thought that the straps were suspenders but I couldn’t figure out how they were suppose to work. Finally, I did a google serach on them and this is what they are:

LIP SERVICE….RUDE FIT ORIGINAL…STRETCH

MEN’S JUNKIE FIT PLAID BONDAGE PANT…BONDAGE STRAPS, EXTRA LONG BACK LEG ZIPS, CONE RIVETS AND BUTTON FLY.

 <<<<<<<<<The actual pants.

Bwahahaha…..turns out that I had a bag full of bondage pants. I did a search on eBay and found several listings for these pants at $50-$70. Hey…..that’s a good profit so I decided to go with a listing.

In less than 30 minutes after I had listed the pants, I got a message from a guy whose name is something like earthwormjo666.

To be honest the 666 part kinda scared me!!!! Following are our emails back and forth to each other with a small amount of  editing becuase I don’t want to be sued by one of the Devil’s homeboys.

“Hi I have been looking on google and ebay for a few weeks now for a pair of pants like this. Im plaining on turning a pair into long shorts but i cant find a pair at a resonable price. I was woundering if their is a price you would take for these pants with shipping in it? I do not have a paypal account but i can have a money order out the next day. Please get back to me and let me know”

Hmmm….seems Devil Boy really wants these pants, don’tcha think?

OK….this is what I was going to write back….” Ben I have 4 watchers. But, I could do a Buy-It-Now. I will consider a reasonable offer if you would like to make one.  I’m glad that you live in Oxox I was afraid that you were outside of the US”.

Before I could hit the send button, he wrote again:

“I really, really need these pants for my work. Please let me go ahead and buy them. Thanks!”

About that time, the phone rang. It was TrailerparkSkipper who dared me to write him back and call him a naughty boy. Being that I was bored and felt like being a little bad, I took her dare.

“Dear earthwormj666,

“My, my….you really want those pants! You are a very naughty boy!!!!! And you do know what happens to naughty boys, don’t you?”

Here’s his reply:

“Yes, I am naughty if you say so. How much for the pants?”

My reply:

“LISTEN TO ME, YOU VERY NAUGHTY BOY!!!! YOU MUST BEG ME FOR THE PANTS! I KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU NAUGHTY, NASTY BOYS! NOW….BEG!!!!!”

Oh, yeah. This was some good fun!

BUT, then I got this reply:

“Look, I’m not sure what is going on. I’m just trying to buy some pants to make shorts out of to wear at the a skate competition. So, will you please just give me an amount?”

Uhhhhh…..I think that I had him pegged wrong.  I felt terrible. I decided to let him have them for a low price. Boy, I had totally make a fool out of myself on that one.

So, I went back on eBay ready to do a “Buy-It-Now” but as (bad) luck would have it, a terrible storm hit and we lost all power. It was out all evening and night. I wonder what Not-So-Naughty Boy was thinking when he didn’t hear right back. Probably thinking that he didn’t even want to deal with that crazy person.

When my power finally came back on, I was going to email him first thing. But, I decided that it would be a good idea to check the listing, first. Just what I was afraid of, I had a bidder. So, I couldn’t let him buy them.

I’m kicking it back and forth as to whether to email him and apologize or not.

Have a great weekend, y’all!