This post has nothing whatsoever to do with urinating. I was going to title it “This and That” but that’s so overused. Piss and Miss popped up in my head.
So, without further rambling about the title, here’s a post about this and that.
Right now, I’m fuming about a reply to a post on Tragically Unhip’s blog.
“I’sn’t kind of hypocritical of you to post an Energy Conservation video immediately after a picture of your completely unnecessary (unless you live in the desert) gas guzzling tank of a SUV?”
Here comes a rant. If you are not in the mood for some major biotching, than stop reading now.
I have a Jeep Cherokee. It is 4WD and it is a gas guzzler. Do I like the fact that it drinks more gas than Andy Dick drinks alcohol? Of course not. I, actually, have been car shopping for quite a while. Mostly because it is getting old and it is too big for my needs now. But, I am still going to buy a 4WD. Why? Because without 4WD, I cannot get out of the boogerwoods in the winter. Not the desert, the mountains. I have a feeling that the commentator lives somewhere nice and flat.
I have a big-ass SUV!!! Does that make me an unthoughtful, selfish consumert? No! That’s nonsense! And, I am sick and tired of well meaning (I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt) people telling me what I need.
As I said in my comment on TU’s blog, I actually use less gas than my friends who drive those teeny tiny Minnie Mouse cars. I use less because I plan my trips out. I do all my errands in a couple of trips rather than jump in my little hybrid and drive in and out several times a day every day. I’ve done my homework and compared my gas usage and their gas comsuption. I use about one half of the gas that they do.
So, with that said….SHUT THE F*CK UP AND STOP YOUR DAMN SERMONS. You can try to make me feel bad about owning a vehicles that suits my needs all that you want to. But, I DON’T!!!! Go use your time and sermons to stop the useless consumption of gas. Tell Al Gore, Bono (whom I do love), Michael Moore (whom I detest), Al Frankin (also, detest), and the rest of those hypocrites to park their private jets.
Now, I feel better!
Here’s something that I got in my email today. I thought it was pretty funny and hope you get a chuckle or two.
All of these are legitimate companies that didn’t spend quite enough time considering how their online names might appear … and be misread.
These are not made up. Check them out yourself!
1. “Who Represents” is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is www.whorepresents.com
2. Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net
4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com
5. There’s the Italian Power Generator company, www.powergenitalia.com
6. And don’t forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales ,
www.molestationnursery.com
7. If you’re looking for IP computer software, there’s always
8. The First Cumming Methodist Church Web site is www.cummingfirst.com
9. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web site,
10.Lake Tahoe brochure website at
These are listed at Funny Website Names! If I know where something came from, I’ll always give credit.
I let TPS talk me into having a yard sale today. I swear that every time I do this, it’s the last time. Unfortunately, I forget making this promise to myself by the next summer.
Yard sales bring out all kinds of people. Great study of human beings. The shoppers range from poor people hoping to find necessary items at a cheap price to fairly well off people looking for an item to add to a collection.
My favorite people who come to yard sales are little old ladies and little old men. They are just like Forrest Gump’s box of chocolates….ya never know what you’re gonna get. Most senior women are really nice and are looking for something for their grand kids, their church, their life long friends, etc. I always like to give them something for free. Or, if they insist on paying (sometimes out of pride), the price on my item will suddenly go from $10 .00 to $1.00. I love the little old guys, too. Most of them have a funny or interesting story to tell about an item that they use to have one just like. And, if you will just take the time to listen, it makes their day. They walk away a little taller and with a smile on their face. All they really needed was a few minutes of someone’s time to make them feel still important.
I had a personal alarm in the sale today. It had never been opened because I have another kind that I use. This little old guy asked me how much and I said a dollar. The price had dropped dramatically since the last person asked. I can’t help it. I have a soft spot for elderly people and this little old guy was so darn cute. His little old wife asked him what he wanted that thing for and he said that he was going to put it on his dog.
His dog? This thing was a personal alarm that you have to push a button to set it off. TPS tried to explain that to him, as did his little old wife. But, he was insistent on buying it for his dog. He said that he could train his dog to use it because his dog was really smart. I now have a picture in my mine of a weenie dog being attack or kidnapped and it is trying to reach behind it’s head and push the button.
On the other side of the elderly spectrum, I had one hellova grouchy old lady. I had a bunch of costume jewelry for sale. I, also,had some fairly nice jewelry and watches that I was getting rid of. Keeping with my OPSP (old people sales policy), the price dropped as soon as she picked a piece of jewelry up. She said how much and I said one dollar. Then, she picked up a watch (a brand new Ann Klein) and handed me $2. I said that the watch was $7 (which was still a fantastic deal). She got a grouchy grandma look on her face and said that I had just said the jewlery was a dollar. I explained to her that the jewelry in that one basket was a dollar but some of the jewelry and watches were more.
She threw the earrings and watch down and said, “Make up your mind, stupid!” Then she walked off, leaving me stunned and hurt. How could a grandma act like that? Then I remember something that I try to not think about often. I thought about the fact that my own grandma did act like that. Just goes to show that you really can’t judge a book by it’s cover….or an old person by her wrinkles!
She is today’s winner of a warm piece of shitcake……
Full Of Nutrients and Oh So Yummy!
Filed under: Humor, Just for Heck of It, My Life....as I See It, People In The News, People That Make Me Laugh, Personal, Redneck Life, Screw-Ups and Mishaps, Sex, Shit Cake, Stories About My Family, What's In My Inbox Today?, White Trash | Tagged: elderly people, fuel consumption, funny website names, gas crisis, rant, studying people, SUV, yard sales
I agree with you on the SUV deal. I drive a Honda, so you will often hear me gripe about SUV drivers and their guzzling of gas, but I really have no problem as long as it is a necessary object. It is really only my peeve when I see the soccer mom in her Escalade picking up her one child, or the guy in a HUGE truck that should really only be used for heavy duty pulling or working, yet the truck is spotlessly clean. We live in a flat area, so 4WD is unnecessary, but whatever, as long as you don’t complain about gas prices, I’m good with it.
Oh, and I figure by the time you’re old, it’s kind of your turn to be a pain in the ass. I can’t wait until I’m old. “Get off my lawn you darn kids with your baggy pants, loud music, and whatnot!! Meeeeehhhh!!!” Just practicing…
MJ…I’ve been looking at Hondas. I like the small AWD one that they have.
I use to have a Honda Prelude and it went pretty darn good in bad weather. But, I didn’t live back in the undeveloped booger woods at that time, either.
LMAO at the old person reamrk. The older that I get, the grouchier I permit myself to be. I earned it!!! TPS calls me “grouchy old woman” sometimes. I have a lot more patience now with little kids but am losing it with older kids.
“Pull up your damn pants, you punk!”
When we were building this house, my husband hired a couple of teenage boys that we know. They spent half of their “on the clock time” pulling up their pants. He got pretty tired of it and made them some suspenders with tape measures and some clips. He made them put them on as soon as they got to work.
Whew, I’m glad someone cleared that up. I have been to the Whore Presents site many times shopping for my local hooker and was confused. Thought I was in need of some eye wear.
Adam
Adam…that’s really funny! Thanks
It’s been a crappy week and I was in desperate need of a good laugh.
We have a big 4WD and a minivan. In Michigan, sometimes you need 4WD due to snow. Even when the weather’s beautiful, we haul a trailer on occasion and 55 gallon drums of oil for a trucking company. We also recycle the used oil.
The 4WD is only driven maybe twice a month, and even the minivan is usually driven only once per week. (My work is on this computer.) Point is, you don’t always know by looking at somebody’s vehicle what its consumption is. We use a lot less than our neighbors who zip to town in a midsize several times each day.