Ordinary Strangeness….

My life is pretty much loaded with strange events and interesting people. Sort of a non-traveling sideshow.

It’s been that way as long as I can remember. Freaky family members attracted other strange people who in turn attracted more weird characters. Birds of a feather really do tend to flock together . And, I take it for granted until somebody points it out. Then, I pause and think and realize that they are absolutely right. And, I take a moment and thank God for each and every psycho, stupid, white trash, or redneck person in my life! I just could not imagine a life without colorful people. Boooorrrrring! Besides, I’ve have nothing to write about.

Fred is my daughter’s neighbor. He reminds me of Rev. Jim on Taxi:

during a written driving test]
“Reverend Jim” Ignatowski: Pssssttt… what does the yellow light mean?
Bobby Wheeler: “Slow down.”
“Reverend Jim” Ignatowski: What… does… the… yellow… light… mean?
Bobby Wheeler: “Slow down”!
“Reverend Jim” Ignatowski: Whaaaat… dooooeeees… theeeee… yeeeel-looowwww… liiiiight… meeeeaaan?

---

[while filling out an application]

Bobby Wheeler: Mental illness or narcotic addiction?
“Reverend Jim” Ignatowski: Now that’s a tough choice…

Fred talks slow like that. And, he looks a lot like Jim…..tall and skinny. He has a long poneytail. He is your typical 60’s-70’s hippie that never left the past. Fred has been diagnosed with severe depression and has been treated with electrical shock treats. Yep, they still do those. But, they will only do it a limited amount of times. Fred has reached his limit. So, Fred has been trying to build his own shock machine and has been trying to enlist the help of friends and neighbors. Hubby is an engineer and was asked by Fred for help. He refused (thank goodness). Whenever I drive past Fred’s home, I imagine him sitting in the basement with one of those old metal strainers/collanders on his head. It has many wires coming from it and electrical sparks are shooting all over. Sitting in a chair nearby is Jack Nicholson in character as McMurphy from “One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest.”McMurphy: [about shock treatments] They was giving me ten thousand watts a day, you know, and I’m hot to trot! The next woman takes me on’s gonna light up like a pinball machine and pay off in silver dollars!!”

Saturday, Fred went to visit his elderly father one street over (pay attention, I said ONE street over). He had a friend with him. Upon leaving, he shut and locked his dad’s front door. That’s when it hit him that he had locked his car keys inside of his dad’s house. And, his dad is extremely hard of hearing and cannot hear people ringing the bell or knocking. So, Fred came up with a game plan. He remembered a small window opening into the attic at the top of the house. So, Fred figured that he would shimmy up the front porch by holding onto a trellis, get situated on the roof, and crawl over to the window. Sounded like a good plan to him. He managed most of it.

He got to the very, small window and was trying to slide right in when his plan fell apart. Although, Fred is really skinny and tall, he couldn’t quite manage to get more than half of his body thru the window. That’s when he got stuck. So, here is was…..half of his body tilted downward toward the floor and half of his body skyward. I can’t explain (nor could Fred) how the physics of the situation took control and Fred’s lower body half won the contest.

Down, he slid…..from 2 stories. In Fred’s own words, he landed with “a sickening thud”. Fred’s pal called 911 for an ambulance. Poor Fred really got hurt. Broken ribs, bruises, scratches, and bloody places. Fred ended up with a cast, bandages, and crutches.

What’s funny about this? Go back to the first part of the story.

“Fred went to visit his elderly father one street over.”

He could have walked home and got his wife’s keys. He did think of it…..while laying in the ER.