Just Like Groundhog Day Only With Scary Eyebrows…..

First D.J.: Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don’t forget your booties ’cause it’s cooooold out there today.
Second D.J.: It’s coooold out there every day. What is this, Miami Beach?
First D.J.: Not hardly. And you know, you can expect hazardous travel later today with that, you know, that, uh, that blizzard thing.
Second D.J.: [mockingly] That blizzard – thing. That blizzard – thing. Oh, well, here’s the report! The National Weather Service is calling for a “big blizzard thing!”
First D.J.: Yessss, they are. But you know, there’s another reason why today is especially exciting.
Second D.J.: Especially cold!
First D.J.: Especially cold, okay, but the big question on everybody’s lips…
Second D.J.: – On their chapped lips…
First D.J.: – On their chapped lips, right: Do ya think Phil is gonna come out and see his shadow?
Second D.J.: Punxsutawney Phil!
First D.J.: Thats right, woodchuck-chuckers – it’s
[in unison]
First D.J.: GROUNDHOG DAY!
Second D.J.: GROUNDHOG DAY!

“ He’s having the worst day of his life… over, and over..”….from the movie, Groundhog Day.

Do ya ever feel like your life resembles that movie? You could swear that you did/said/saw the same thing over and over and over.

This is exactly how I feel when my husband decides that it’s TIME TO GO OVER THE HOUSEHOLD BUDGET. Over time, this act has become less desirable to me than going to the dentist for a root canal and then stopping by the gyno with a major yeast infection on the same day. A thousand paper cuts on my eyelids would be more enjoyable than looking at bills with The Part Time Donald.

Speaking of razor cuts on my eyelids, (yes, indeedy K. T., it’s another rabbit trail) I had my eyelids done with permanent eyeliner a few years ago. Extremely painful. Worse than constipation accompanied by hemrroids (sp?) after childbirth. Y’all know…..when you have to sit on that damn inflated donut that doesn’t do squat? And, you can’t squat, either. Your hiney feels like you passed Shrek and his offspring .(Hey, that’s only the second time that I’m off-topic so far).

The worst part of the permanent eyeliner experience was……can you believe this?……the crap faded off! I sat in that chair for hours with a permanent make-up expert sticking a tiny needle in my eyelids at least 20 thousand times for nothing! OK, I might be slightly exaggerating but it was a whole hellova lot of times. For what? I thought that I’d never, ever have to put eyeliner on again. Oh yeah, I let her do my eyebrows, too. Listen, hons, I looked like friggin’ John L. Lewis or Leonad Breshniv for a week. My eyelids were swollen. My eyebrows were puffy (and black). I took one look in the mirror after the eyebrows and thought I’d have to wear a burka for the rest of my life.

“Relax”, the permanent make-up expert said. That very large and very black area on your eyebrows will fade by tomorrow. Well, they did fade. Only, it took about 5 days. And, in the meantime, I had to go about my everyday business looking like a mobster. For a dental appt., I tried to tone down the brows by putting make-up on them. Late that evening, after going to dentist and grocery shopping, I got a chance to check in the mirror in hopes that the swelling had magically disappeared. This is when I discovered that not only had they not gone down, I had make-up caked in them. It looked kinda like I had Mafia brows and leprosy. (BTW…this man does not have leprosy. Need to add that so the mob won’t put a hit on me)

But, I do believe that I’d rather do the eyeliner thing again than go over a budget with Trump.

Every time, it’s something like this:

Trump…..”What’s this charge on the Visa for x-number of dollars?”

Me….”Your satellite radio. You know…the one that you only use to listen to Folk Village? The one that Bob Dylan is an announcer on. Where he sounds like The Dead Mumbler?” ( Had a great pic of old Dylan here but Angelfire took it away )No, this is not your neighbor, Clyde, at the local C&W karaoke bar. It IS Bob Dylan).

Dylan mumbled thru songs but it was acceptable because there was music. Dylan talking on a radio is another matter, indeed. Sounds like this….”mmmffullemmmmfulllee, yeah, muuumblemummmble”.

Trump….”What’s this $300 landscaping bill?”

Me….”Remember, you hired a guy to mow the entire field and after he got finished, you promised him more than his original quote because he complained that the grass was too tall.”

Too tall? Since when is 3 feet too tall? Why does he own that bulldozer size mower?

Trump….”What’s this? There is an extra Verizon bill?”

Me….”Nope. That’s the same line that you had hooked up 2 years ago for a fax line in case you decide to put a fax machine in your office here”.

Trump…”Why is my sewer bill so high at the office?”

Me…”I dunno. Maybe, you should poll the workers.”

Trump….”What did I buy at Lowe’s that cost $500?”

Me…..”I dunno. I don’t go to Lowe’s with you ever since we got into that argument over a person needing a two hundred dollars worth of paint brushes.”

You get the picture. It’s the same scene every time. He gets huffy and says we need to review the bills more often. Reeeally? Would that help in justifying his impulse purchases. The man ordered a armor piercing gun that costs six thousand dollars. If I’m lying, I’m dying. Thank goodness that it took a year for the gun to come in. By then, he had come to his senses. Or, maybe, he realized that we already have enough weapons here to fend off hoarders after Armageddon.

Here’s the kicker. It’s as if the whole thing never took place. Six months down the road, he’ll start up again about the budget. And, it will be the same thing over and over and over. Just like Groundhog Day.

FYI…My last big impulse purchase was the permanent brow and liner. I learned my lesson there. Oh, I still have impulse purchases but it’s usually my infamous bag sales that cost $10.