It’s All About Me…So, There!
We’ve all heard or read them. Those damn annoying positive affirmations like:
- I am healthy and happy.
- I am getting wealthier each day.
- My body is healthy and functioning in a very good way.
- I have a lot of energy.
- I study and comprehend fast.
- My mind is calm.
- I am calm and relaxed in every situation.
- I radiate love and happiness.
- I am surrounded by love.
- I have the perfect job for me.
- I am living in the house of my dreams.
- I have good and loving relations with my wife/husband.
- I have a wonderful and satisfying job.
- I have the means to travel abroad, whenever I want to.
- I am successful in whatever I do.
- Everything is getting better every day…
and blah, blah, blah.
Who believes all of the crap? Not me. I believe in affirmations that I can live up to,so I’ve decided to share some of my affiramtions with you.
TRAILERPARKBARBIE’S DAILY AFFIRMATIONS FOR REAL PEOPLE IN REAL LIFE…….
So that I can let go of my negative thoughts, I will begin to voice them out loud no matter where I am or who I’m with.
Today, I will celebrate my body’s deformities!
Today, I will obsess over the correct way to eradicate my ever-increasing facail fuzz.
Today, I will support my inner sloth.
When I get upset with my children, I must remember to blame them for my haggard look.
I will accept that medications are a more timely and effecient solution to my physical problems than exercise and diet could ever be.
In order to get people to listen to me, today I will invade everyone’s personal space.
Today, I will fuel somebody’s self-doubt.
Today, I will voice my opinion on everyone who makes eye contact with me.
Today, I will appreciate my inability to get along with others as a proctection device from joining strange cults.
Today, I will escalate my emotional turmoil.
Today, instead of over-eating, I will resort to belitting others when I am hungry.
Today, I will agree to do something that I don’t want to do so that later I can feel resentment toward the person that took advantage of me.
Today, I will work on my listening skills by eavesdropping on private conversations.
Today, I will accept the fact that it’s good to be overweight because the fat cushions my vital organs.
Today, I will accept the fact that nicotine stains make for an interesting smile.
Today, I will besmirch my essential beauty.
Today, I will remind myself that failure is final. Once I have screwed up, I might as well give up completely on that goal and move on to the next one.
Today, in order to balance out my life, I will watch one hour of TV for each hour that I work.
Today, I will act on destructive impulses.
Now….aren’t those better? Much easier?
See….life doesn’t have to be all positive and sweet all the time.
FYI…for those of you who happened here by googling lesbian, sex, butts, etc., I apologize. Nothing here to read about them. Just experimenting with sexy tags.
Today, I will belittle someone’s compliment of me while secretly getting a huge ego boost.
MJ….give it try. It’s great!