Got this in my email today. There is some good advice in here!

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–
Blessings & Prosperity
Raymon

As you my faithful readers (all 3 of you) know, I am addicted to shopping and hoarding. A black belt shopaholic…..that’s me. Not just any shopping. NO! NO! NO! It must be bargain shopping. That’s where I get my high. Finding something that is 90 percent (or more) off. Or, having a coupon and doubling it to get something free.

There are several problems with this:

1. Piles of crap that I don’t need or cannot use.

2. Eats up lots of time.

3. Even if you find something that is worth $50 for $5 bucks and it’s not something you can use, you have still spent $5 bucks. Or, like in my case, maybe, $50 because you decided that it’s such a great bargain that you’ll go ahead and buy 10! Now, you’ve got 10 pair of men’s 52W by 29L pants that you don’t have a clue what to do with. I’ve done this. The first few times, I decided that I could make a killin’ on eBay. My theory was that most really obese people won’t shop. I neglected to take in the strong possibility that they have people who go shop for them. So….anyone need some really, really big pants?

I could write an entire book on compulsive shopping and the high you get from it. Or, one on hoarding. And, one day, I just might do that.

But, today, I want to write about one particular experience that I had recently.

There is a great store in our town. It is own by two brother’s and over the last few years, they had expanded and have stores in 3 states now. These brother’s got an idea about 10 years ago. They bought lots of items from stores going out of business. Or, manufactures that had made too many things. Or, slightly irregular stuff. The stuff that they buy is top fashion name brands. Clothes, accessories, jewelry, purses, etc. I love that place. I just bought a $70 purse for $4.99.

But, as I mentioned, some stuff is irregulars….might have a tiny hole, or might be mis-sized, etc.

Their inventory is constantly changing. And, as a result, they clearance a lot of stuff. Now, this is where you can really get some good buys. Something that retails in other stores for $100, sales at this store for $9.99, and clearance down to $3!!!!! Sounds swell? It is unless you buy bags and bags of shit that you have no use for like I do.

Last week, they started their tent sale. It’s not really a tent but a little side shop next to their big store. I simply cannot resist going to that sale. After a few days, they mark the clearance stuff to half off and then do a bag sale. Fill an entire bag for $10. I’m a master at stuffing stuff in bags.

So, off I snuck to the tent sale. It was on a Saturday and hubby was home. He just about has a shit fit when I go to these sales. He has been complaining for a long time about all the stuff that I have accumulated. So, that’s why I had to make up an excuse about buying a Mother’s day gift for his Mother even though I already had her gift bought, wrapped and ready to go.

Each time, I get within site of the store, my stomach starts doing flip-flops in anticipation.

I arrived at the tent sale. It was raining outside and a really dreary day. To my surprise, I was the only shopper. It’s usually buzzing with shoppers. I felt giddy. I was going to be able to take my time and look at everything without having to reach over people to grab stuff. It can get ugly in there sometimes.

I was taking my time, looking at everything…….gigantic underwear, stuffed animals that said “Golfing is my life”, napkins with fish on them, Lane Bryant extra large belts…..in other words, stuff that I have no use for.

But, I was really enjoying it. I had a bad week and this was the therapy that I needed. A little later, another lady came in and she apparently knew the sales clerk. They began talking about God, church, blessings, etc. I was not eavesdropping. They were talking loud and the store was small. I couldn’t help but overhear them. And, I was enjoying their conversation. I’ve been having a hard time spiritually lately and this was a needed boost.

Then the lady left. This is where things got a little weird. I told the clerk that I had enjoyed hearing them talk so joyfully about their faith. Little did I know that I had just opened a can of worms. Well, not worms. Can’t call God-talk worms. What I had opened was a big ol’ can of AMEN!!!!!

I was looking at some baby clothes (no babies in our family), when I heard this….

“Thank you, Lord, for this day…………..”

The clerk was praying. And praying very loudly. Now, I’ve always been taught to bow my head during prayer so I did. The prayer went on…and on…and on. Finally, she said “Amen”. So, I lifted my head and said, “Amen”, too.

I was looking at some T-shirts that were only a buck! Now, these, I could actually. Nike, Timberland, etc. But, then I noticed that Nike was spelled Nkie and Gap was messed up and looked like “Gab” only with a stick on the bottom of the b. My mind was in overdrive wondering if I could fix any of these mistakes and pass these shirts off as bday gifts or Christmas gifts when I heard…….

“Our most loving and comforting Father, I want to thank you for this day, and tomorrow’s day…….”

She was praying again. I’m not lying. So, what could I do? I bowed my head. This prayer was a little longer and a little louder than the first. It was a nice prayer, really. And, I waited for her to finish with a great big “Hallelujah, Amen!”

Again, I did the only thing that one could do and did an “Amen and Hallelujah!” myself.

I looked at my watch. I had been in there too long and needed to go home. But, I had even begun to touch my need for stuff.

I went into supershop mode and hurried thru the next 2 racks. I was 2 racks from being finished! When…

and I swear, that I am not lying. This is a totally true story. No exaggeration.……

there she went again…….

“Father, I love you and thank You for.…….

Now, listen, people. I love Father, too. I really, really do. But, I didn’t to get my fix and get out of there. But, I bowed my head again.

This time before the grand finish of loud “AMENS”, the manager came into the store with a cart full of merchandise that needed priced.

So, now I bowed my head and said silently,

“THANK YOU, GOD! HALLELUJAH!:

I checked out and left. I thought about this odd, religious experience on the way home. I found myself wishing that I had that much spirit and guts to stop people in their tracks and make them bow their heads.

PS Does anybody need 5 rocket shaped pillows or 2 size 0 pinkvelvet track pants?

To say that the mullet is a hairstyle barely even scratches the surface of the issue. The mullet is a way of life, it is a state of mind, it is every person who wears it. Physically it is characterized by short hair on the top, front, and sides of the head, followed by a long drape of hair on the back.

There are many advantages to wearing a mullet. So, it’s easy to understand why the mullet would be a good choice for a hairstyle.

ADVANTAGES

1. LOW COST…..It is widely known that the instance of the mullet in any given area is inversely proportional to average annual income. There is little to no maintenance required to preserve the mullet, and the costs involved are much lower than that of most other hairstyles.

2.LOW MAINTENANCE Subjects need not even wash the mullet for long periods of time, nor groom it in the morning, though many do meticulously attend to their mullet as an issue of pride and beauty - still the costs are indeed negligible.

3.BETTER THAN A SCARF Also the mullet insulates the subject’s neck, keeping him or her warm through the cold winter nights.

4. SO VERY VERSATILE…The other important advantage of the mullet is that it offers it’s host the freedom of both worlds of work and leisure. The subject appears to be a normal human being from the front, unencumbered by long hair over the face, and also appears to be a “party animal” from behind, with the long flowing locks. Hence, the “business in the front, party in the back” mentality. One is free to be taken seriously in the world of work, and, when the opportunity arises, is also free to “let loose” and “go wild - ape style.”

And, now I have one. Listing all of those great reasons to get a mullet would lead one to think that I chose to get mulleted…..that I willingly became a Sgt. in the Mullitia. A Mulletissa Ethridge.

Well, that’s total untruthiness (thank you Steven Cobert).

Here’s what happened. I went to get my haircut on Monday. I had not had a haircut in 3-4 months. I have had short hair for a long time and had decided to try something different. During the winter, I ran my fingers through my mane everyday in an almost perverted way. Hair! I had hair! I was pretty excited to have some hair to style. All that I wanted was a trim. I know. I know. You are collectively shaking your heads head (I have one regular reader!) and saying, “WTF was she thinking. Trim in not even in the Hairdressers Manual/Dictionary. Ask for a trim and the stylist magically turns into Edward Scissorhands.

Anyway, I was glad to be there. I needed something to perk me up and a haircut sometimes does the trick. Along with one of those fat, greasy weinees wrapped in dough and deep fried that they sell at a place across from the haircut place. I sat in Bobbi’s chair and explained to her that I was trying to grow out my hair a bit but needed the split ends cut. Without a word, she picked up her magical shears and began cutting. Her hands were a blur as she darted from top to bottom.

I have known Bobbi for quite some time and we always to the “beauty parlor gossip” thing. Only, this time, there was no fun gossip. She told me that the other girl, who does my hair sometimes, was in a terrible depression. Her sister had suddenly died from a brain aneurysm. It hadn’t even been 6 months since her father died. And, right after that, her mobile home burned down. Then, a raccoon got into her car and shredded her seats. I’m not making any of this stuff up. She had sure had a run of terrible luck.

Thinking about Cindy’s problems, I was not really paying attention to what Bobbi was doing. Until I noticed a lot of hair on the cape. Holy pita in a pocket….my top layer was almost buzzed. As I opened my mouth to protest, Bobbi began to tell me about her brother dying a month ago. And, her mom was in the hospital having surgery when it happened. So now, Bobbi is the only one left to help with her mother. AND, her husband is really ill and she has to take care of him. Tears began to well in her eyes. This was some really sad shit. I felt the tears in my own eyes.

More hair landed on the cape. “Bobbi, I didn’t”……..

I never got to finish. She started telling me about her sister-in-law becoming paralyzed from some unknown cause and having to use a wheelchair. Some seriously tragic life stories….

……as I saw more hair fall.

Thank the good Lord (and I seriously mean that) that she came to a stop. Either she had finally run out awful things to spill her gut about or she was done with my haircut.

I was afraid to look in the mirror. All the hair on the floor was telling me that I resembled G.I. Jane.

I slowly looked up. I had a mullet.

It didn’t look like this>>>>>>> Thank you, Jesus (seriously!)

It looked kind of like this>>>>>

Well, acutally more like this!

I had become Uncle Jesse from Full House!!!!

I called TrailerParkSkipper first thing when I got home. “TPS”….I was choking up with tears, “I’ve got a damn mullet! I look like Uncle Jesse!”

“You look like that guy on Dukes of Hazzard?”, she asked.

“NO! I look like the Olsen twin’s uncle on Full House!” I said, holding back tears.

And, I went on to explain to her what happened.

“But, Mom, you should have said something!” That’s my lil Skipper, so wise. (being sarcastic here).

“Skipper, how could I interrupt Bobbi when she was pouring her heart out to me?”, I said.

And, how could I? What is the protocol for this type of situation?

So, if you see me, you’ll know that I am now “business in the front” and “party in the back”!

Unless, I decide on a buzz cut.

UPDATE ON MY MULLET CAUSE I KNOW YOU ARE STILL THINKING ABOUT IT

I highlighted my hair. I always do it myself. I’m as good as most of the beauticians that have ever done it. So, I got out my stuff and did it. After drying and styling, it looked pretty good….until I got the mirror and looked at the back.

I now have a saucer size spot of red hair that does not match any other color on my head. How did this happen? Holycrapoly!

So, to summarize my hair at this moment, I would have to say that I look like Uncle Jesse wearing a red pope beanie. I AM POPEUNCLE JESSE!!!!! TrailerParkSkipper said that if I would dye is brown in that spot, then I could look like I live in a monastery. I guess then, I would be Monkle Jesse.

My friend, D, commented here and that jarred me into remembering the SUPER HAIR PRODUCT FOR ALL REDNECK WOMEN!

Gosh, with AquaNet, I can do just about anything. I could tease that hair in the back and make it look like a lot of hair. Spray it with AquaNet and it’s guaranteed to stay exactly as I fixed it. Hell, it will stay that way until the next haircut. AquaNet IS the superglue of hair products.

And…it’s also good for keeping out mosquites. If you have a small hole (say, no larger than 1 inch or so) in screen door, spray that sucker with AQ . I swear AQ forms a hard sticky barrier that just traps those squitters’ and June bugs.

Here;s what others are saying about AQUANET!

“

HOWEVERE, AQUANET MUST BE USED RESPONSIBLY!!!!!!

It is a great fuel to launch potato guns. But, only under adult supervision!

I remember when TrailerParkSkipper was around 13 years old. She had a friend over and they were in her bedroom. Talking, I THOUGHT! Then, I hear these panicked voices saying, “What are we gonna do? I can’t get it to go out!”

And then…..words that a mother never wants to hear under any circumstance….

“Hurry, my mom’s gonna smell it!”

Upon opening the door, I discovered that the 2 brainacs were spraying words on TPS’ large dresser mirror and spraying it with AquaNet. AQUANET BURNS!

But, as long as you stay away from flames and use responsibly, you, too, can have Amy Winehouse hair! The rest of her look will require heavy drug use, poor hygiene, and starving.

She is seriously looking scary!

This is much weirder than TC’s Scientology and Xenu. This is probably the weirdest “so called church” ever.

Check it out…..

Bizarre Religions and Cults around the World

Published on 10/25/2007

The Church of Euthanasia

A picture of their “Reverend” in action! I’m wondering if she believes in this so deeply, why is she still alive and carrying signs?

“Save the Planet, Kill Yourself”

The Church of Euthanasia (CoE) is a dadaist organization started by Rev. Chris Korda in the Boston, Massachusetts area of the United States. According to the church’s rambling website , it is “a non-profit educational foundation devoted to restoring balance between Humans and the remaining species on Earth.” The CoE uses sermons, music, culture jamming, publicity stunts and direct action combined with an underlying sense of satire and black humor to highlight Earth’s unsustainable population. The CoE is notorious for its conflicts with anti-abortion Christian activists.

According to the church’s website, the one commandment is “Thou shalt not procreate”. The CoE further asserts four principle pillars: suicide, abortion, cannibalism (”strictly limited to consumption of the already dead”), and sodomy (”any sexual act not intended for procreation”). The church stresses population reduction by voluntary means only. Therefore murder, rape and involuntary sterilization are strictly forbidden by church doctrine.

Slogans employed by the group include “Save the Planet, Kill Yourself”, “Six Billion Humans Can’t Be Wrong”, and “Eat a Queer Fetus for Jesus”, all of which are intended to mix inflammatory issues to unnerve those who oppose abortion and homosexuality.

The Church gained early attention in 1995 because of its affiliation with paranoia.com which hosted many sites that were controversial or skirted illegality. Members later appeared on an episode of The Jerry Springer Show titled “I Want to Join a Suicide Cult”.

Following the September 11, 2001 attacks, the CoE posted to its website a four-minute music video titled I Like to Watch, combining hardcore pornographic video with footage of the World Trade Center collapse. The montage featured an electronic soundtrack recorded by Korda and the lyrics, “People dive into the street/ While I play with my meat.” Korda described the project as reflecting his “contempt for and frustration with the profound ugliness of the modern industrial world.”

The church’s website previously had instructions on “how to kill yourself” by asphyxiation using helium. These pages were removed in 2003 after a 52-year-old woman used them to commit suicide in St. Louis County, Missouri, resulting in legal threats against the church.

How ’bout let’s hammer this website until it crashes???!!!!!!

Answer a few questions to see if you’re kind and caring or a gigantic penis.

Here’s the link to take it…… Are You A Douche Bag Dick?

Here’s my results. Not gonna tell you how I answered each question.

You douche bag dick! You feel like everyone owes you something and no one else matters but you. You know who else were dicks?… The Japanese at Pearl Harbor and Satan. Hope you’re happy you Japanese Satan!

Life has been pretty chaotic and strange around here lately. Let’s start with the fact that I have been weaning off the psych drugs (Lamictal,Cymbalta, and Ativan) that I have dutifully taken every day for the last 6 years. Those three drugs are just the latest. I could list a whole page of them. I am bipolar. But, I am really getting tired of taking brain-altering substances…..especially when it’s not fun alterations. I’ll most likely have to cry uncle somewhere down the line and open my mouth like a good little girl to let some doc shove a handful down my throat again. But, just not now. I refuse. I want to see what it feels like to feel.

I’m sure detoxing has contributed to the shitty way that I’ve been feeling physically. Just do a quick search of drug side effects and drug withdrawal hell-tales. You can’t be a pussy and do this. But, on top of all of that, I am having a fairly long and bad case of bronchitis/pneumonia. Being without insurance doesn’t help. No one wants to admit you to a hospital. No one wants to treat you with anything that really works. Uninsured people get the “treat ‘em and street ‘em” school of thought doctors.

I have an appt. today. In about an hour so I’ll have to hurry up here. The rest of this post has nothing to really do with all that. Just wanted to set the scene of my life lately.

Here’s what happened in just the last 24 hours.

Getting pretty desperate to feel better, I decided to pursue some alternate treatments. Homeopathic teas, netty pot, vitamins, etc. None worked. I decided that desperate times call for desperate measures. So, I set out to find some other type of “herb”….”wink wink”…..and I did.

At last, I scored some good shit managed to find a dealer health provider who agreed to sell me some medicinal herbal medicine. So, I went to pick it up. I was one happy lil camper on my way home. Driving along, talking on my cellphone, I noticed some flashing blue lights in my rear view mirror. Well, I hadn’t done anything (that was readily visible), so I assumed the cop was after someone else. And, I just kept driving. Shortly, he was really starting to annoy the hell out of me. WTF didn’t he go around me or sumptin’. After close to a mile, I decided to pull over and let him go around me. BUT….he didn’t. He pulled in right behind me. *$*&#)#))*#_@_@ and f@uck it! I starting getting paranoid. He was gonna bust me and I was gonna have to call and make up some lie to my husband to come and bail me out of the pokie. I started sweating like a whore in church. I could see my whole life in the newspapers!!!!! Then, there he was at my window!

“Hello, officer, sir….is something wrong?”

I just knew he was gonna jerk me out of my Jeep, throw me on the ground, and pummel me before throwing me in the po po car!

“Lord, I know that I haven’t been the best person that I could be lately ever. But, please, please get me out of this one. I will send money to World Vision not just at Christmas time when I see those little orphans on television. I will not try not to make fun of people. Except the ones who really deserve it. I will not ever fuckin’ curse again. Please just get me out of this.”

While I’m praying, the cop is standing there waiting….and glaring.

“You ran a red light and I’ve been trying to get you to stop for almost a mile. AND, you were talking on your cellphone!”

“OH! I’m so sorry. I did not see the light, honest. And, I never talk on my cellphone. As a matter of fact, that was my daughter calling me and I was just giving her a lecture on the danger of talking on cellphones while driving.”

“License and registration please”.

I gave it to him and he went back to his cruiser (actually a K9 unit with a very loud barking dog). It seemed like he was gone forever. Finally, he came back and gave me a warning ticket.

With a “Please be more careful”, he let me go! Thank you, Jesus!

Flash to last nite. I could not sleep. I went to bed, got up, back to bed, got up, and finally gave up and crashed on the couch. I awoke around 2:00 this morning laying face down on the floor with the feeling that someone was stabbing me with a machet’ in both legs. Leg cramps! Charley horses! I had not had leg cramps since I was preggers with TrailerparkSkipper. I found myself sobbing uncontrollably. I could not get up. I could see tears and snot running out onto the hardwood floor. Finally, my wailing woke up hubby, who came running in.

Bless his little heart, he massaged both legs until I could get up. They still hurt.

Then, this morning, I was getting ready to go out and was fixing my hair. My hair is getting curlier and curlier the older I get. I haven’t had a hair cut for a while (except for the ones that I give myself in the middle of the night on ocassion) because I just don’t know what style that I want.

Anyway, I finished curling and so on and grabbed the hairspray and begin spraying enough to hold Amy Winehouse’s hair up high for months. After, I had sprayed one whole side and the back, I glanced at the mirror and with horror, noticed that the hairspray can was brown…..as in Right Guard brown. Shit on a shingle…..I had picked up hubby’s deodorant and had damn near emptied half the can on my head. So, I did the only logical thing that I could think of…..I sprayed the rest of my hair with it. Ya know…it’s not so bad. It’s making my hair feel soft and the best part….it smells very….well….underarm fresh!

I got lots more but it’s time for the doc appt.

Hope y’all are having a better life than I’ve been happy lately!

I saw something(s) quite weird today.
I was in a mall out of town and kept running into this one guy. I’m not even sure why I noticed him in the first place. But, I did.

1st time I saw him……just an average looking, kinda thin black male.
2nd time I saw him…..he was wearing a ballcap with the bill turned up and the price tag still on it.

and….

3rd time I saw him…..he was with another guy and was being followed by a very tiny puppy dog. Yes, a real live puppy.

4th time……I was leaving the mall and saw him skipping thru the parking garage. No dog. No hat. No other guy.

I’m wondering what does all of this mean?

(a) He was an angel sent from Heaven to watch over me?

(b) He was a demon sent from Hell to watch over me?

(c) I need to have a psych doc review my psych meds?

(d) I am living in a 5th dimension?

(e) Do I need a brain scan?

(f)  I am being stalked by a crazy cult member?

Anybody wanna have a shot at ’splaining this weirdness?

Ya ever done one of those splatter paintings? That thing that goes round and round and mixes the paint that you pour in? I can’t remember what it’s called but you can pay to do one at an arts and craft fair or buy one that kids do at home.

Anyway, that’s what my brain feels like today. I’ve been drain-bread brain dead for writing posts lately. Then, Wham! Bam! Thank ya, Mam!….I’ve got words and ideas out the whazoo.

First…..

Dusty (who, BTW, is not bitchy) from GiftedlyOutspoken tagged me to do this:

Here are the rules: 1) Link back to the person who tagged you (that= me!). 2) Post the rules on your blog. 3) Write six things about yourself. 4) Tag six people at the end of your post by posting links to their blog sites. 5) Let them know they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their site. 6) And let your tagger know when your entry is up.

I’m honored. Not by the fact that I’ve been tagged to do something again, but by the fact that somebody thinks that I am smart/reliable enough to follow these rules without screwing up. This is my third tag in the last 3 days. I got tagged by snail mail Saturday for a chain mail book thingy. I was tagged by a really good friend that I have known for about 25 years. And, really, she should know by now that I either

(a) forget the rules

(b) have good intentions but never keep a chain going

(c) lose the letter which has the addresses of whomever it is that I am suppose to send a book, a dollar, a dishtowel, a poem, a chicken, or whatever to. In other words, I am the most unreliable person that you could ever pick if you want to keep something going.

(d) all of the above

Crap….I can’t even remember what the second tag was now. I think it might have been a send-a-gallon-of-gas thingy or sumptin’. I might have done that one if gas had not risen to a bazillion dollars a gallon now.

Now, on with the show….

1. I started this blog 14 months ago. I never told anyone in real life including my family. I seriously thought that no one would read it. I have had over 87,000 hits and my family still does not know that I blog. Except for one family member who is now blogging, too. Shout out to VV! And, of course, my little TrailerparkSkipper who is just like her Mamma (bless her heart).

2. My pastor asked my husband what it was like living with me and my zaniness. Hubby told him that it was like living in a constant “I Love Lucy” episode.

3.I recently acquired a dog. I nagged my husband constantly for over a year to get a dog. Secretly, I hate that little effer. It bites and scratches. It is the most hyper animal that I have ever encountered. But, I pretend to love it because I will not admit that I wish I had never laid eyes on it. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not mean to it. I feed it, walk it, pet it, etc. But, the whole time, I am wishing that I could give it back.

4. I blog at bipolarchicksblogging, also. I blog with 3 friends that I met on a forum over 5 years ago. They know more about me and the way that I think then anyone else in the world. AND, although, we’ve never met, I sincerely love each and everyone of them. That’s where I go when I can’t see the light at the end of the dark hole of depression tunnel….to them. They coax me thru bad shit. But, they, also, share any joy that comes my way with real happiness. No pretend crap. Raw, honest, and open. Shout out to D,C, and AC. I love you guys!

5.Geraldo Riveria makes me want to vomit. So, does Keith Olberman. And, Lynn Spears. And, oh hell, I’ve got a whole list:

Paris Hylton

Virgie Arthur

All the greedy fools behind the Miley Cyrus debacle.

Oprah Winfrey

Tom Cruise

Xenu

Warren Jeffs

Olsen twins

Rosie O’Donnell

Lying politicians

Child molesters (I would personally like to castrate them)

Lying drug company reps

Michael Moore

Barbara Streisand

Osama Bin Laden

Welfare cheaters

……and plenty more.

6. I play the “airhead” card a lot in life. I’m Oscar worthy at playing gullible, innocent, naive, and stupid. Behind the character, I am really wordly, intelligent, shifty, manipulative, bawdy, brass, and opinionated. I am white trash with money. I know the difference between bad taste and shabby chic. And, I’d choose bad taste anytime over shabby chic. I am not pretentious nor do I brag. I state the facts as I see them. I want to be adored but will not kiss up to anyone.

So, that’s that. Now, I have to tag six people. Let’s see…..how ’bout…..

The Vinyl Villager

Moonbeam McQueen

The Girl From The Ghetto

Southern Fried Fatty

Going Like Sixty

Salted Lithium

I DID IT!!!!!!

So, what’s everyone’s thought on Miley Cyrus? Listen, I am not insuiating anything but those pics of her and her dad give me the heebie-jeebies.

What I think is this pic is a pedophile dream pin-up poster. If you think that I have a perverted mind, then read this post that I did a while back…..

PervertForum

Had more to write about but I’m still trying to get over bronchitis and sinus infection. I’m pooped!

Nite y’all

Y’all may have already seen these but I think they are belly-laughing hilarious. Got these in my inbox and don’t know where they actually originated. If anyone knows, please post a comment so that I can give that photoshopping genius some credit.

WHAT CELEBRITIES WOULD LOOK LIKE IF THEY MOVED TO WEST VIRGINIA

 JENNIFER ANISTON….”OK, KIDS….WHO NEEDS TO GO POTTY BEFORE WE LINE UP FOR LUNCH?”

BRITNEY SPEARS……

……HUH????? I’M STILL SEXY Y’ALL! NOW GO GET ME SOME DAMN  CHEETOHS!

ASHLEE SIMPSON…..ANOTHER SUPER JOB BY OLAN MILLS!!!!!

……MICHAEL DOUGLAS AND CATHERINE-ZETA-JONES……LOOKS LIKE THE TOP SELLING AGENT AND SPOUSE AT THE ALLSTATE CONVENTION

POSH AND DAVID BECKHAM…..THEY LOOK LIKE THEY SHOULD HAVE A PIG NAMED WILBUR

GWEN STEFANI…..OR DOLLY PARTEN AFTER EATING GWEN STEFANI

JENNIFER LOPEZ AND MARC ANTHONY……LOOKS LIKE THEY HAD THEIR FILL OF FATBACK AND BEANS!

JOHNNY DEPP…..”I’M BRINGIN’ SEXY BACK, Y’ALL!”…..BUSINESS IN THE FRONT…PARTY IN THE BACK

JOHN TRAVOLTA…..HE LOOKS LIKE THAT CREEPY UNCLE THAT WANTS YOU TO SIT ON HIS LAP AT CHRISTMAS DINNER

MARY KATE AND ASHLEY OLSEN….OMG! I HAVE NEVER SEEN A PICTURE WHERE THEY LOOK LIKE THEY HAVE EATEN!

PAM ANDERSON……SHE LOOKS LIKE A VO-TECH SCHOOL SECRETARY…”SURE I’LL WRITE YA TARDY SLIP, BUBBA. BUT, FIRST, YA GOTTA GO AND FETCH ME A COUPLE OF DONUTS FROM THE LUNCH ROOM.”

SARAH JESSICA PARKER….MOVED TO BOONE COUNTY TO REUNITE WITH HER LONG, LOST TWIN SISTER.

TARA REID…..POLICE FILE PICTURE….BUSTED WHEN COPS RAIDED A COCK FIGHT

 TOM CRUISE…..IN HIDING IN THE HILLS AFTER LEAVING SCIENTOLOGY AND JOINING BROTHER LOVE’S SNAKE HANDLING CHURCH

24/04/2008 4:39:00 PM.

Police in the Democratic Republic of Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men’s penises.

Reports of the so-called penis snatching surfaced last week in Congo’s capital Kinshasa, triggering a wave of panic and attempted lynchings.

Although such accusations are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religion and witchcraft remains widespread and ritual killings still occur, talk-back radio shows were quickly flooded with calls.

Listeners were advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings and some said the ’sorcery’ was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.

The supposed victims, of whom 14 were also held by police, claimed the sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear.

Kinshasa’s police chief, Jean-Dieudonne Oleko said police were arresting both the accused sorcerors and their victims in an effort to avoid widespread bloodshed.

“You just have to be accused of that, and people come after you. We’ve had a number of attempted lynchings. … You see them covered in marks after being beaten.

Similar accusations in Ghana led to the deaths of 12 suspected penis snatchers at the hands of an angry mob a decade ago Mr Oleko said.

“I’m tempted to say it’s one huge joke.”

“But when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it’s become tiny or that they’ve become impotent. To that I tell them, ‘How do you know if you haven’t gone home and tried it’.”

So, is that a mushroom in your pocket or are you just unhappy to see me?